


Cherish

by ancient_moonshine



Category: The Sandman (Comics), 镇魂 | Guardian (TV), 镇魂 | Guardian - priest
Genre: All of the listed characters are siblings by the by, Angst with a Happy Ending, But not before lots and lots and looooots of pining., Death!Kun Lun/Zhao Yunlan, Delight!Guo Changcheng, Desire!Ye Zun, Despair!Zhu Hong, Destiny!Da Qing, Destruction!Ge Lan, Dream!Shen Wei, GUYS, I am not exaggerating about the pining, Incest, JUST READ IT TRUST ME, Jealousy, Kun Lun/Xiao Gui Wang dynamic, Love triangle ending in OTV, Multiple Pov, Pining, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Sandman!AU, They get better, Twincest, Voyeurism, Ye Zun is a dick but has a Point, complicated relationship, lots and lots of incest guys, messy relationships, slightly unreliable perspectives, there is SO MUCH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:22:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancient_moonshine/pseuds/ancient_moonshine
Summary: When Shen Wei of the Endless returns after a long imprisonment, he finds much has changed. However, his relationships with - and feelings for - his two brothers remain as complicated as ever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Concept of the Endless - in Sandman canon, they're the seven anthropomorphic personifications of consciousness - siblings that basically make Nirvana in Fire's royal family look downright healthy and loving in comparison. Dream is the main character, the lord of dreams and stories, one BAMF drama queen with a spectacularly shitty love life. Ofc I tweaked the roles to fit characters/plot, but here they are in order of eldest to youngest: 
> 
> Destiny - Da Qing  
> Death - Kun Lun/Zhao Yunlan  
> Dream - Shen Wei  
> Desire - Ye Zun  
> Destruction - Ge Lan  
> Despair - Zhu Hong  
> Delight - Xiao Guo [supposed to have changed into Delirium in Sandman but couldn't make it fit the character]
> 
> Shen Wei has a way better love life, don't worry. :D

In the end, it’s the erosion caused by the steady draining of an aquifer that frees Shen Wei. Shen Wei just has enough strength to push himself up as the ground starts rumbling beneath him, cracks appearing on the ancient stone floor. Shen Wei watches the ground splinter, breath caught by the first scrap of hope he’s tasted in years. Then the crack splinters through the array keeping Shen Wei imprisoned, the force of it shattering the glass globe he’s been sealed under for two millennia.

In a trice Shen Wei has slipped out of the prison of the waking world and into the Dreaming – falling headlong into the sand-covered wastes of the shifting zones. Sunlight after so long in the dark sears him. He lies trembling on the side of a dune, the white-hot sand burning him alive as he tries to push himself up, fails. Eventually the strength to move flees him. He lies there, limp. So hungry he can’t feel anything but a numb coal burning in his belly. So thirsty he’s forgotten what water tastes like, the cool kiss of it against his lips. He tries again, but only his fingers twitch, and no more.

He would cry, but there’s nothing left inside him. And then there’s a shadow falling across him, blocking the unforgiving heat of the sun. A voice calling his name. Two voices. Hands, digging him out, lifting him from the sand’s embrace. Shen Wei lets his head roll back, dizzy and sick with exhaustion. Desert winds stinging his skin, and he shivers as he feels something  soft being draped around him.

He opens his eyes all the way to find Death cradling him in his arms. One hand supporting the back of his head, the other looped under his knees. Shen Wei’s eyelids rasp painfully when he blinks. His head droops back, and after that Shen Wei knows nothing for a long time.

He wakes to the sound of rain blasting against walls of stone, and it’s been so long since he heard it that he’s frozen in bewildered panic for a long moment. Shen Wei shivers, but he isn’t cold. He’s tucked beneath a thick blanket, and there’s a hand stroking his hair, another cupping his face. As Shen Wei holds himself still, the scents of summer rain and bamboo, cinnamon and sweat tickle his nose, long-forgotten.

Shen Wei listens, dumb and still. They don’t disappear. Not the hands, not the blankets, or even the sound of rain and soft voices. They fall silent when Shen Wei opens his eyes

“Shen Wei-gege.” A face identical to his in every way. Warm hands, cupping his jaw. Shen Wei stares, and his reflection smiles at him, broken at the edges. But when Shen Wei raises his hand to touch it, his fingers meet warm flesh instead of cold glass. The hands around his face tighten, and then Shen Wei hears a sob. He’s not entirely sure whose it is as Ye Zun throws his arms around him, burying his face in his shoulder, the weight of his twin almost crushing Shen Wei’s starved frame but he clings back just as tightly, with all the strength he has left.

“Xiao Wei?” Shen Wei falls still as he hears another voice. He lifts his gaze up.  The room is dark but it’s nowhere near as dark as his cage had been, and a sliver of lightning illuminates the side of Death’s face.

His hair has been cut short, Shen Wei notices. He’s no longer dressed in his favoured jade green robes, but a short jacket made of black leather, trousers of a slightly rough material. And then Shen Wei notices his head is cradled on his older brother’s lap. Shen Wei blinks to clear his spinning mind, then stills when he feels Death – _Kun Lun-ge-_ touch his forehead lightly.

“We’re in your realm.” Kun Lun says softly. “You’re back home, Dream.” Shen Wei just stares at him blankly. At him and Ye Zun both, Ye Zun quivering in his arms. Feeling like he’s holding the most fragile of mirages between his hands that a single breath would dissolve. Not daring to move, even. And then Ye Zun sobs, lifting his face up, and muscle memory has Shen Wei reaching up to embrace his twin. Shaking everywhere, while Kun Lun swears, his voice breaking in a way Shen Wei had never thought he would hear.

“ _Ge_?” Shen Wei whispers. His voice is raspy with disuse as he remembers to form words. “ _Didi?_ Is that –“ it’s the most cliché of reactions, but Shen Wei knows those are most often the ones rooted with truth, as Kun Lun presses his lips against the crown of his head, and Ye Zun kisses him fiercely on the mouth, their arms around him, tight and protective.

 “ _Gege.”_ Shen Wei whispers. Overwhelmed, his limbs trembling and Kun Lun brushes his hair out of his forehead and his temples while Ye Zun clutches at his hands. Still not able to believe that he’s here. That he’s home. “ _Didi.”_ Later he will piece together the pieces of himself left shattered in that cage, remember words and phrases and speak them in a voice unheard for more than two thousand years. But right now, he only speaks the words that the prison left him with, and his brothers hold him tight, neither letting him go.

 

\--

 

Kun Lun still remembers the day his older brother announced he would be accompanying him on an important trip. He hadn’t been pleased – the day was hot, the sky just new-washed with rain and the ground muddy and freezing with the spring melt. Kun Lun had been carrying a bundle under his arm – Da Qing hadn’t explained why, just told him he needed to bring it. Kun Lun would normally badger him with questions, but Da Qing had just given him an impatient look and told him to hurry before flowing into his favoured form of a cat and darting down

He’d set off with a sigh, swinging the pack up and down while Da Qing hissed at him to hurry up, _they_ were waiting. And before Kun Lun could ask _who_ they were, he sees them.

(He sees him.)

Two bodies, naked and shivering by the newly-unfrozen river, identical faces looking up at Kun Lun the moment he stepped forwards. Large black eyes, soft young features. One had hair like the night, drops of water caught in the strands like glistening stars, the other the soft downy white of spidersilk. Bodies twined together, the one with black hair holding the other protectively, covering him at Kun Lun’s approach. The one with white hair baring his teeth and hissing, and Da Qing had glared Kun Lun into staying put, then darted forwards in his cat form to bow in greeting, then whisper.

At least Kun Lun now knows why Da Qing made him bring an extra bundle. He opens them while Destiny talks to the two, shaking out the robes. One black, one white. Kun Lun wonders how long his brother had been expecting them.  He drapes one set of robes over the black-haired boy’s shoulders, hands him the other.

“For your twin.” He says. The black-haired boy stares at him, then slowly reaches forwards. Takes the bundle, wrapping his twin up in the robes like it’s a blanket while his practically slips off his shoulder. Kun Lun sighs. “Don’t you know anything?” he asks, then guides the black-haired one to the proper use of sleeves. Tying the sash up, and wondering at how cold his skin feels. His hair brushes against Kun Lun’s hands when he turns to look at him, and it’s the softest thing Kun Lun’s ever touched. Kun Lun has to stop himself impulsively running his hands down it as he adjusts the robe across the little thing’s shoulders, not wanting to find out if he has the same sharp teeth as his twin.  

Da Qing sighs.   “Dream.” Destiny says with a twitch of his tail, nodding at the one in black. “Desire.” At the one in white. The one wearing black clutches at the throat of his robes. His eyes look like pieces of night, chipped out of the sky.

“I am Destiny, your eldest brother. This is Death.” Da Qing gestures towards Kun Lun. Desire shrinks back, bristling, eyes narrowed, but Dream grasps his twin in his arms. His expression already cold and regal, defiant as he stares Kun Lun down.

Da Qing turns towards Kun Lun. “As a matter of fact, they _do_ know nothing. You’re in charge of teaching them.” and then Kun Lun’s head jerks up.

“What, you fat bastard, are you-“ But the damned cat just slinks off before Kun Lun can make a grab for him.

“You can handle it! It’s your turn to deal with family!” Da Qing disappears into the forest, leaving Kun Lun with the twins. Kun Lun’s left spluttering after him in indignation. The twins just watch him gravely, as Kun Lun turns back to face them he catches Desire whispering something in his twin’s ear, then shrinking back as Kun Lun glares at him.

“Shen Wei,” Dream points to himself. He has a soft, deep voice, a little like the one at the back of Kun Lun’s head whenever he was thinking. “Ye Zun,” he points at his twin, still clinging to him. Kun Lun stares at them for a moment, then sighs, reaches forward with his hand.

“Come on,” Kun Lun says. “We have a lot of work to do.” He waits for a moment, and Dream takes it. The two following him as he makes his way up, out of the wilderness back home.

 

\---

 

Shen Wei falls unconscious again in his brothers’ arms. He wakes to them speaking – arguing (some things apparently never change) – and the smell of food and drink on a tray before him. Shen Wei’s so thirsty he barely registers the sensation of water sliding down his throat, so hungry he doesn’t notice what the food is or what it tastes like, just rips into it with teeth gone sharp and his stomach screaming with agony. He only remembers himself when Kun Lun places a gentle hand on the middle of his back when he starts coughing, pressing a cup of hot tea into his hands.

“Easy.” Kun Lun says softly. “Chew properly. We’ll get you more if you’re still hungry.” Shen Wei flushes under the familiar burn of Kun Lun’s reproach. His first food in millennia sitting heavy in his stomach and smeared across his mouth and chin, and suddenly he’s all-too aware of his tangled, too-long hair, the rumpled white sleeping robes he’s been dressed in. He resists the impulse to just curl against the warmth of Kun Lun’s hand, and though it takes a tremendous amount of effort with his strength barely returned, he manages to conjure his old neat black robes, his hands and face cleaned of grease. He places the cup of tea back into the bedside tray Ye Zun had brought him, reaches up to try to order his hair into some semblance of neatness, but Ye Zun stops him.

“Stop it, Gege. You need to eat first.” Ye Zun’s voice is sharp. His gaze is sharper as he glares at Kun Lun, and Shen Wei remembers with a rush the last time he’d seen his brothers together.

It had not been the most cordial of meetings. He turns red, but Kun Lun’s hand on the back of his neck distracts him.

“The others have been informed that you’re back.” Kun Lun says. “Da Qing is with Destruction and Despair. They’re fixing up matters that they can’t bow out of as fast as they can, then they’ll be here. Delight is already on his way. He just gets… delayed sometimes.” He nudges Shen Wei’s shoulder gently. “Go finish your meal. You’ll need the energy.” Shen Wei takes a deep breath, does what Kun Lun-ge tells him, but the food sits heavy in his stomach, almost making him sick. Not even the tea he washes it down with soothes its roiling.

“Where is Xiao Guo coming from?” Shen Wei asks, remembering their youngest brother. A little scrap of a thing with big, earnest eyes tagging after Shen Wei and shrinking back from the world. He’s shocked by how rusty his voice sounds. Kun Lun’s hand curves around the sweep of his skull, and Shen Wei realizes he’s shivering. Ye Zun snorts faintly.

“Delight’s going to be fine. He’s just an idiot. That’s one thing that didn’t change around here, at least.” He smirks a little at the reproving glare Shen Wei sends him.  “He and Destruction were actually here earlier, we just sent them to talk to inspect the Dreaming. Things have been… chaotic around here.” At Shen Wei jerking his head up in alarm, Kun Lun reaches over, takes his hand.

“He has someone protecting him. Someone powerful who we know you’ll approve of.”   Shen Wei stares at his hand, then away. More unwelcome memories trickling in, but mercifully their other siblings bursting through the doors serves as a welcome distraction.

 (He does not see the downright menacing expression on Desire’s face as he glances at Death, or the way Death stares back, quiet and implacable.)

“Gege!” Shen Wei opens his trembling arms, and Xiao Guo flings himself into them. Xiao Guo – not so little now, tall and lanky and grown up, but with the same earnest features, is blubbering. A huge black dog lopes behind him, standing at attention by the door, followed by a fat black cat and a girl in white with a soft face, another in red with a cold, hard gaze. Destiny immediately makes a beeline for Shen Wei’s lap, purring up a storm, while Ge Lan folds Shen Wei tightly against her after Xiao Guo’s glared into letting Shen Wei go by Ye Zun.

“I’m sorry we had to go away for a bit. We were making sure the Dreaming’s safe.” His younger sister still smells of crushed flowers, and her voice is as soft and as gentle as he remembers. She moves back, allows their youngest sister to hug Shen Wei.

“Welcome back,” Zhu Hong says. Her voice is rough. Destiny meows and bats at his face, looking up at him with golden eyes before rubbing his head against his. Shen Wei’s eyes sting. Habit has him fighting off the burn.

“How long was I gone?” He asks, to distract himself. Ye Zun’s gaze darts at Kun Lun.  Kun Lun’s hand on his shoulder tightens just an infinitesimal amount. Destiny meows, and Destruction places a gentle hand over Shen Wei’s shoulder.

Kun Lun squeezes his hand. “Two thousand years.” He says quietly, and Shen Wei sucks in a breath.

 _Two thousand years._ No wonder it had felt like eternity was unravelling in that black hole. It very nearly was.

It’s a long while before Shen Wei notices his siblings calling his name. That he’d sagged against Kun Lun’s chest, and that Ye Zun’s hands are cradling his trembling ones, Kun Lun’s arms supporting his waist. He lets out the breath he’d been holding.

 _Two thousand years…_ Ye Zun squeezes his hands. This time Shen Wei doesn’t miss the pointed glance he aims Kun Lun’s way.

“Xiao Wei… can you tell us what happened?” Kun Lun’s voice is quiet as he voices the question everyone’s been wanting to ask but only he knows the answer to. Shen Wei’s grateful that he’s not looking directly at his face. He is silent, and none of his siblings press him for answers. After a long time he speaks.

“I want to see my home.” He says. He lifts his gaze up to his twin’s. Ye Zun’s gaze darts to Kun Lun’s again. As Shen Wei watches, Kun Lun squeezes his hand, and Ye Zun takes his other one without complaint. . An action his twin would never have countenanced before he had disappeared. Between them, they help Shen Wei up, and Shen Wei is once again left silently reeling over all that had happened since he was gone.

When Shen Wei had left, the Dreaming was a verdant space. More than a paradise, the reaches of it still formless and unexplored even by Shen Wei and Kun Lun. But when Shen Wei steps outside, the very air is unfamiliar to him. The skies are tinged purple, rumbling morosely. The earth cracked and crumbling. The Gates of Horn and Ivory, where dreams true and false pass through, have shattered into dust. Shen Wei looks back at the building they’d exited. Even the very palace is broken down, though he recognizes some attempts have been made to repair it.

He chokes back a sob. Ye Zun holds his hand, and Kun Lun’s arm settles across his shoulders. Destiny winds his body around his legs, and Xiao Guo and Ge Lan stand to the side, staying close together. Ge Lan places her hands on Xiao Guo’s shoulders. Zhu Hong stands close by, eyes darting between the three of them before settling on Shen Wei.

“Hey.” Kun Lun says. Another squeeze.  Shen Wei’s breath comes in short and sharp. He starts to shake, but he can’t allow himself to break. If he breaks, there’s no telling if he would still be able to gather the pieces of himself together.

He lifts his hand. Kun Lun makes a move like he’s about to stop him, but Ye Zun glares at him and he backs down. Shen Wei forces himself to ignore them both. Just concentrates on gathering the shards of his restored power and healing his world.

When he’s done, the clouds are gone. The land is lush again, strange flowers growing that could not be found in the waking world, grand mountains wreathed in mist and bamboo groves, rivers of strange colors. Shen Wei drops his hand, and when he lets himself fall, it’s to his brothers catching him.Ye Zun nosing against his cheek, wrapping himself around him while Kun Lun strokes his hair. Destiny purrs softly, and Xiao Guo clings to Shen Wei’s hand like he’s a child again.

“We will fix this.” Kun Lun whispers. “Everything. We’re here for you.” Shen Wei closes his eyes, leaning against the warm column of his throat, too tired to reply.

 

\---

 

Being an older brother is _awful._

Desire is a snarling brat through and through. Acting spoiled and sweet with Da Qing and his twin, then lashing out with his fangs and snapping at Kun Lun when he tries to get him to act in a more civilized manner. Kun Lun isn’t really that surprised. Of course the personification of want and survival is going to be fucking _feral._ And Desire is easy enough to wrangle, in his way. Just feed him or give him something interesting to distract him with, and he and Kun Lun are content to leave each other alone until Da Qing yells at Kun Lun to actually teach the brat something instead of letting him run wild.

Dream. Dream is another matter entirely. Death on his wanderings more often than not hears the quiet step of his new brother behind him. Unlike his twin, Dream does not bother to hide when Kun Lun glances and scowls at him. He doesn’t talk much either.

He’d been bent over the body of a little girl, ten years old, her head broken open from falling out of a tree the first time Dream had spoken to him. She’d been sniffling as Kun Lun told her it was time to go, holding back and whispering she wanted her mother. But after a while she had taken Kun Lun’s hand.

“She wanted to touch the sky,” He hears a quiet voice, the soft susurrus of it similar to the one in the back of his mind. Kun Lun turns to find Dream, a little ways behind him. Staring at the corpse of the child.

“Have you been following me again?”  Kun Lun closes her eyes. Her parents would find her soon enough. Normally Kun Lun doesn’t stay to watch it unfold – too many have left him exhausted, even now when the world is still so young. But something about the way Dream looks at the empty body of the girl has him hanging back.

“Destiny told me to follow you.” Dream says it so solemnly that Kun Lun has to stop himself from cracking a smile. Dream isn’t close to human. Physically he and his twin are young boys in their teen years, just a full head smaller than  Kun Lun, and would catch up fast soon. But something about Dream reminds Kun Lun of a very young child.

 The girl’s eyes, Kun Lun remembers, had been a bright blue. Just like the sky.

Kun Lun sighs. “Wait here.” He tells Shen Wei. After a few moments the girl’s mother emerges from their dwelling at the mouth of a cave. Her scream rents the air, and Shen Wei flinches back. Kun Lun wonders if the kid has ever heard anything this loud. When the girl’s father comes running after his wife’s scream, crumbling at the sight of their lost child, Kun Lun tugs at Dream’s hand.

“Come on. You’ve seen what you need to.” Dream stands still for a moment. This must be, Kun Lun thinks, the first time he’s seen _mourning._ When Kun Lun turns away from him, clearly about to leave him behind, only then does he follow.  

“Was touching the sky worth it?” Dream asks. He sounds thoughtful. Kun Lun shrugs.

“You tell me the answer.” He says lightly. “Wanting the sky is your domain, not mine.” He picks up his pace, eager to get more work done without the little shadow following him. But at the sound of more quiet footsteps behind him, he sighs.

“He needs your help.” Da Qing is completely unsympathetic when it comes to Kun Lun’s complaints. “He’s not like Desire. There’s a lot more you need to teach him than Desire can learn from _not_ wanting to spend time with you.” Kun Lun grits his teeth.

“You already know everything. Why can’t _you_ teach him?” Kun Lun knows he’s whining. He knows it’s unseemly to whine. He doesn’t fucking care. Da Qing just levels him with a look – and a clawed swipe to the side of his head, for the matter.

“It’s not my job to make your existence convenient for you.” Da Qing says – which is rich, considering he’s the one who dumped the job of raising one feral bratling, and another annoyingly persistent shadow onto Kun Lun. “I already told you – you have to teach him. Dream needs your guidance more than you’ll ever realize. You’ll understand why when you get to know him better. But-“ he cocks an ear at Kun Lun, milky blind eyes aimed somewhere in the vicinity of his direction. “Be gentle with him. He’s a lot more fragile than he appears.” He marches off, leaving Kun Lun grousing.

Eventually Kun Lun gets used to the little black shadow following him. It’s easy enough to ignore him when he’s busy. Dream is quiet and makes hardly any sound unless he’s asking a question, which he never does when Kun Lun is busy with a soul.

(… He has to be taught not to eat a lot of things, though. Kun Lun blames Desire.)

Sometimes Desire follows him, and Desire grins whenever someone manages to drag himself away from Kun Lun’s shadow – usually at Desire’s prompting.

“You know I’m not guiding souls away for the fun of it?” Kun Lun asks him flatly after a hunting party gone wrong had resulted in their quarry mauling half the hunters to death, blood and guts soaking up the ground. Kun Lun watches one hunter escape with a gash to the arm, eyes wide with horror at the sight of his friends’ gruesome deaths. He’d already been lying winded beneath the paws of the tiger when Desire grinned, whispered into his ear. The hunter had used one last burst of strength to stab the tiger in the gut and slit it open.

“I’m actually happy I don’t need to take him yet.” Desire sticks his tongue out at him. Dream squeezes his twin’s hand.

“He wanted to see his family again.” He says. Kun Lun snorts, ignoring them both. He leaves for the next death, a sickness that had overtaken an old man because of the spring chill. Dream follows him alone.

“I’m sorry Desire made you mad.” Dream says. Kun Lun glances at him.

“I’m not angry at Desire. Just annoyed.” The old man smiles at Dream and Death when he sees them, happy to take Kun Lun’s hand. “We don’t do this for ourselves.” Dream tilts his head.

“Who do we do this for, then?” Death shrugs, points at the old man’s family, surrounding him. The smile on his face peaceful and soft.

“For them.” Kun Lun says simply. “Destiny walks for them. I take their souls for them. You and Desire  exist to serve their lives. Everything we are, we owe to the mortals. Cruelty and games have no place in it, we just are.”

“Oh.” Dream says. He’s quiet and thoughtful for the rest of that day, but when Kun Lun glances behind him he can see his expression is curious, intent.

One day, Kun Lun watches the sun set from his favourite perch in Destiny’s garden. He hears a rustle below him. For a while he debates ignoring it in favour of a few more moments of peace, but after a few moments he calls down.

“Xiao Wei, come up here. There’s something I want you to see.” After a while Dream’s head appears as he pulls himself up using the branch. Kun Lun makes room for him just as the sky turns shot with gold. He points to the sun, and Dream obediently looks at it. But after a while he turns to face Kun Lun again.

“What did you call me?” Dream asks curiously. Kun Lun rolls his eyes.

“You’re tiny and you know nothing. You’re a child still. A little one still taking his baby steps. But look at that.” The sky has turned red as blood, indigo threaded into the clouds. “The day also dies.” Dream watches for a few moments longer, until the sun has dipped behind the horizon and the sky above them is dark, awash with stars.

 “Now I see why she wanted to touch the sky.” Dream says. It takes a while for Kun Lun to realize what he meant. He sighs, hops off his branch. Gestures at Dream.  

“Come on, then. We have work to do.” Kun Lun hides the smile tugging on his lips when he hears the footsteps following him. When Dream puts his hand in Kun Lun’s, he doesn’t pull away.

Some time after that (perhaps days, perhaps centuries or millennia according to their reckoning), Da Qing leads Dream into his garden, and past it into a desert full of shifting, changing sands.

“This is your realm now.” Da Qing says. “It isn’t yours to shape as you wish. That’s up to the dreamers who created it. But you can help make it wonderful, or terrible.” Desire makes a face at the barren expanse, but Dream smiles.

“It will be a beautiful place.” Dream says. Kun Lun doesn’t show him the pride in his eyes, but he does give his hand a squeeze. Dream hesitates for a moment before letting go, exploring his new home.

 

 ---

 

The action of repairing his surroundings costs Shen Wei dearly. What once would have meant nothing to him sends him back to the darkness. He opens his eyes after who knows how long, expecting to be back in his glass prison again. Instead it’s to a soft bed. Blankets tucked around him and a pillow under his head. His hand cradled in Kun Lun’s while Kun Lun sleeps in the chair beside him.

Shen Wei stares. Kun Lun blinks. His eyes open all the way,

“Xiao Wei.” He starts. “You’re awake.” Shen Wei does not ask how long he was unconscious. The answer to that was simply _long enough._ He pushes himself up, slowly, and Kun Lun guides him up, cradling the back of Shen Wei’s head when he winces. His touch feels so good that Shen Wei allows himself to lean against it, despite the memory of the last time they saw each other resurfacing.

_“Ge, I love you-” Shen Wei, desperate. Kun Lun freezing for a moment before walking away, leaving Shen Wei behind._

“Where’s Ye Zun?” he whispers to distract himself, firmly pushing the memory away. Something in Kun Lun’s eyes flicker, too fast for Shen Wei to catch, too exhausted for him to understand.

“He’ll be back.” Kun Lun is still holding his hand. “He went to secure the Dreaming.” Shen Wei frowns.

“Where are we?” He asks. Kun Lun holds a cup to his lips. Water, Shen Wei realizes groggily. He swallows. It’s ice-cold, and fresh, sweet all the way down.

 _Why are you here?_ Is the question he stifles.

“We’re in my place.” Kun Lun says, wiping at the trickle that drips down Shen Wei’s mouth with the back of his hand. He hesitates before proceeding. “The Dreaming isn’t that safe for now. The palace is crumbling. We decided it’s best to let you recuperate here.” Shen Wei nods.

“I understand,” he says, exhausted. Kun Lun rearranges the pillows, props Shen Wei up against them. They smell like snow and bamboo. Kun Lun’s scent, and Shen Wei inhales. As Shen Wei’s eyes take in the room around him, he frowns.

“You’re in my room.” Kun Lun says. He sounds faintly embarrassed. Shen Wei understands why. To say the place is a mess is an understatement. But it’s not the mess itself that unsettles him.

“Your realm has changed.” Shen Wei whispers. He remembers lush gloom of pine trees standing guard, and snowy white mountains, craggy and barren. The silence of a forest that has no birds, where nothing truly grows. Kun Lun had a house there. Small and just as cluttered. Shen Wei had fallen asleep there many a tiring day, stirring and sinking back under when he felt his older brother picking him up.

Sometimes he woke to find Kun Lun had taken him back to the Dreaming. Other times, Kun Lun let him nap there. Shen Wei would pretend to be asleep then, just to feel Kun Lun’s fingers running through his hair, the warmth of his older brother’s knee beneath his cheek.

It was the safest he’d ever felt in his existence. He’d grasped at that memory, many times during his long imprisonment.

Kun Lun squeezes his hand, distracting him from sinking into that dark place. “I had to get a bigger place.” He says. “The others – well. They stay here sometimes, too. This place isn’t really part of my old realm. You can say this is the family’s general base of operations.” Shen Wei stares at Kun Lun, frowning. Trying to imagine Ye Zun willingly staying with Kun Lun under the same roof for any appreciable amount of time. Fails.

Kun Lun covers his hand with the other. “A lot has changed, Xiao Wei.” He says gently. Shen Wei nods.

“I know,” he whispers. How could he not, when the biggest evidence of that is sitting right across him? Shen Wei had always imagined how his _Gege_ would react when they discovered his long imprisonment. Disappointment, perhaps. Frustration with how Shen Wei hadn’t learned enough to properly protect himself and his realm. Shen Wei had imagined apologizing many, many times.

He never expected that the day would come that Kun Lun would sit quietly with him, holding his hand.

After a moment Kun Lun speaks. “Do you want to see it?” Shen Wei lifts his head, and Kun Lun clarifies. “The world.”

Which is how Shen Wei finds himself stepping out of Death’s realm and right in the heart of the human world. He blinks at first – at the unnatural brightness and the strangely heavy quality of the air, and then his eyes adjust, and he gasps.

The first thing he notices are the structures surrounding them – huge hulking things, their pointed teeth stabbing at the sky, huger than Shen Wei ever thought humans could build. The unnatural flat firmness of the ground beneath him. And then the little lights he’d thought were swarming fireflies. Shen Wei trembles when he reaches for one, and Kun Lun watches him.

“That’s called a streetlamp.” He says. Shen Wei presses his finger against warm glass. It’s like humans have somehow trapped the light of the sun and the stars. He quickly lowers his hand, and Kun Lun gently takes him by the hand.

“Xiao Wei,” Kun Lun murmurs, and only then does Shen Wei notice he’s trembling. He breathes in, and out. Gathers his strength to himself, walks on ahead.

Though it is dark, there are still humans milling about, wide awake, like they’d stolen a bit of the day for themselves. Hidden behind the massive walls they’d built for themselves or walking the waking world. There are many of them, many more than Shen Wei ever remembers seeing. So many faces, so many lives.

 _I am going to need to cut my hair._ Shen Wei thinks dazedly. Even fashion has changed so much, and it’s just one thing among many he’ll have to catch up on. He blinks, eyes smarting from all the lights. Kun Lun watches him. Shen Wei can feel him tighten his grip on his hand.

“So many dreams,” Kun Lun says. “Like I said. Things have been chaotic while you were gone, but people still dream.” He smiles, and Shen Wei stares.

“How chaotic?” He asks. The smile fades from Kun Lun’s face. He looks hesitant. It’s not a look Shen Wei’s ever seen on Kun Lun’s face, especially when it concerns him being remiss in his duties.

“Ge? What happened while I was gone?” Shen Wei asks.  And then he feels himself being guided down, onto a stone bench. Kun Lun’s hands are warm on his shoulders, and he holds Shen Wei’s face between his hands with cautious care. His gaze is full of soft grief as he leans up, presses his lips against Shen Wei’s forehead.

Shen Wei stares when he pulls away. He’s only ever had one treasured memory of Kun Lun comforting him like this, many ages ago. His hands are shivering faintly, and Kun Lun squeezes his wrists. 

“It’s best if you sit down.” Kun Lun says. “It’s gonna be a while before I’m done.” and as Shen Wei stares, Kun Lun sighs. His true weariness showing for just a moment in his eyes as he begins.

When he’s done, Shen Wei’s shaking.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. Thinking of the sleeping sickness, the dreamers who never woke up, the storytellers and heroes lost. The collapsing Dreaming. He stares at his open, empty hands, trembling on his lap, and feels sick with shame. _You failed to protect your realm. You let this happen._ And then his breath catches in his throat Kun Lun covers them with his.

“There’s nothing to forgive. None of this was your fault.” Shen Wei is silent. This comfort, too, was not something Kun Lun had freely given, and all of a sudden Shen Wei is frightened. Because kneeling before him is a stranger wearing his older brother’s face.

.“Xiao Wei?” He flinches upon hearing his old nickname spoken. All of a sudden, it’s too much. Everything. Coming home. Being found. Finding the Dreaming dilapidated. His siblings all changed in ways he can’t even begin to understand how yet.

Shen Wei swallows. He tugs his hands away from Kun Lun’s. “I need to be alone.” He says, his voice shaking. “Please.” And he doesn’t mean to sound ungrateful but even Kun Lun’s presence is too much, right now. Shen Wei doesn’t even think he can handle Ye Zun.

At first he thinks Kun Lun won’t listen. _Did he used to listen before?_ The quiet voice inside him that sounded remarkably like Ye Zun points out. But after a moment he nods.

“I understand.” He says quietly. Shen Wei closes his eyes, curls up.

When he opens his eyes, he’s back in his chambers in the Dreaming, the blankets of his bed smelling of dust and rot. Shen Wei  covers his head with them. He breathes, in and out, alone in the warm closed dark, until he can feel himself stop shaking.

“Gege?” He hears Ye Zun’s soft tread. “Kun Lun sent me here. Are you okay?” He doesn’t answer, and Ye Zun wordlessly slips into bed beside him, cradling him in his arms.   

 

\--

 

The world grows, gets older. The twins grow up along with it. Ye Zun turns from a half-feral starveling to a coquette with a seductive walk and a smile full of promise, flowing into whatever form one finds the most desirable. He and Kun Lun like each other little enough, now that the former’s half-grown. The both of them opt to stay out of each other’s way as much as possible, their paths only crossing when their duties – and family – require.

Shen Wei. Shen Wei grows. Kun Lun had worried that those slender shoulders would snap under the weight of the Dreaming. Instead, Shen Wei flourishes with the realm he was given. Kun Lun’s quiet acolyte as he tagged after him forever. As humans began to tell each other stories, Shen Wei is there, listening. As they create their own Gods, Shen Wei is there to guide them. The Dreaming becomes verdant. As beautiful as its Master, and Kun Lun isn’t the only one to notice it.

 Shen Wei climbs Kun Lun’s favourite tree branch and shows him a scroll one aspiring god of poetry had given him. They’re full of nothing but praise for the Lord of Dreaming’s beauty.

“He wants you to become his lover.” Kun Lun had said. “I would rather think less of you if you took up his offer.” It comes out a little more curt than intended, and Shen Wei colors.

“I’m not - I don’t feel that way for him.” Shen Wei says with staggering awkwardness. Kun Lun snickers.

“Trust me, Xiao Wei. Having a lover isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It complicates things for beings like us.” Shen Wei is very pretty when he blushes, Kun Lun notes absently. Shen Wei opens his mouth, looks like he’s debating on how to broach the subject with himself.

“Have you ever had a lover?” Shen Wei asks. Kun Lun shrugs.

“Some. Inevitably they ask for something I can’t give. Eternal life, or worship. Always ends badly when I refuse to give it, even when they say they don’t mind.” Shen Wei shifts. Watching Kun Lun as he idly turns the scroll over and over in his hands.

“Desire says it’s fun.” Shen Wei says at length. Kun Lun snorts.

“Desire is cruel and driven completely by what he hungers for at any present moment. It won’t be the same for you. You’re Dream.” Kun Lun says. He taps Shen Wei on the head with his scroll. “Do not forget it.” He hands the scroll back to Shen Wei, jumping off his branch. He feels gratified when Shen Wei carefully stows the scroll away in his sleeve, but does not take it out again. When Shen Wei reaches for his hand, Kun Lun takes it, holding his in a firm and careful grip.  

But there were some things that still remain to be learned. Death shows Dream not just beauty, but also terror and heartbreak in equal measure. They pass by villages raddled with disease and starvation, kingdoms shattered apart by wars. Places where Death is a mercy rather than a phantom to be feared. Places where people cling to Dream to survive, or reject him outright. When they return from such trips, Shen Wei is quiet.

“Why?” He asks Kun Lun once. Kun Lun shrugs.

“It just is.” He says. “Living hurts.” Shen Wei bites his lip.

“It feels unfair.” He says quietly. “We haven’t lost anyone.” Kun Lun shrugs again.

“Be that as it may, this is the way things are.” He says. “Loving is loss for humans. You would do well to remember this in your dealings with them.”

“Why?” Shen Wei asks again. “Why can’t we help them instead? We have the power to do so.” Kun Lun gives his younger brother a flinty look, and he flushes, hangs his head.

“Remember your responsibilities, Xiao Wei.” Kun Lun says. “We are not one of them. We cannot indulge in doubt.”

“Yes, _Gege.”_ Shen Wei says. His voice is quiet. But Kun Lun knows there is a lesson that needs to driven home.

It starts with a prophet. A beloved of his gods. One of the few that could perceive those that most cannot. Kun Lun watches Dream speaking in his ear quietly from time to time. Planting the seed of a dream in his heart.

Kun Lun does not intervene. He waits. The seed takes root, grows. Its roots spread to those that share in the prophet’s dream – only to be cut down before it can bear fruit. The prophet is a Dream Vortex, and every second he spends living he endangers the universe. Eventually the world can bear it no longer, the edges of the Dreaming tearing and collapsing as the Vortex writhes in agony, in too much pain to even scream. Shen Wei’s hands shake as he reaches forward, and tears out his heart.

Shen Wei cradles the prophet’s body in his lap long after the prophet has breathed his last, his face white. Kun Lun stands beside them.

“If you had failed to end his life, Xiao Wei, you would have been forced to kill this world.” Kun Lun tells his younger brother softly. “You will need to make more choices like this. It will be just as painful, or worse.” Shen Wei’s hands clench.

“But _why?”_ he bursts out. His voice cracking with rage, with grief. Kun Lun gives him a level look.

“You already know why. Humans destroy each other, and so can their dreams.” Kun Lun says. “What makes this so different from the little girl who died after trying to touch the sky?” When Shen Wei doesn’t move, Kun Lun sighs. He turns his back.

“I will leave you to your thoughts. Think well on everything I’ve told you thus far.” He leaves Shen Wei behind, but watches what he does. Shen Wei is still for another few hours. And then, he starts to dig.

He digs a hole with his bare hands. By the end of it, he’s muddy and filthy, but the body is safe, covered by a layer of rich loam. Shen Wei sits by the new grave, exhausted and unmoveing. After a few moments Kun Lun realizes it’s because Shen Wei has fallen asleep.

When Shen Wei wakes, he is in Kun Lun’s realm. Clean and warm, covered by a blanket, his head pillowed on Kun Lun’s lap, the sound of rain pattering soft outside. Kun Lun feels him stir, then go still. Pretending to be asleep while Kun Lun gently strokes his hair. It’s something that he’s always done, and Kun Lun doesn’t speak, doesn’t stop drifting his fingers through the silky strands until Shen Wei sits up, his face pink, offering him a bow.

“In the same way you sacrifice one life to protect the world, you have to end one dream so that others’ may be made safe.” Kun Lun says gently. “Do you understand, Xiao Wei?” Shen Wei keeps his head bowed. 

“Yes, Gege.” He answers quietly. Kun Lun watches him closely, then nods.

“Good.” He says. Then he reaches forwards, chucks Shen Wei on the chin. Shen Wei stares at him, surprised, and Kun Lun takes something out of his sleeve. A small amber globe hanging from a leather cord.

“I made this for you to help you channel your powers.” Kun Lun says, a little awkwardly. Shen Wei is very still as Kun Lun loops the cord around his neck, tying its ends. The amber pendant hangs heavy around his neck, and it glows faintly golden against his pale skin.

“Try it.” Kun Lun says. “Go on. Make something.” Shen Wei always feels better after creating something beautiful. Shen Wei blinks, then puts his hands together, closes his eyes. When he opens them again, there’s a delicate plant between his hands, its leaves unfurling a dark green that was almost black, and one perfectly circular flower growing from a long stem. A hundred soft petals glowing faintly, suffusing the room with a sweet, soft fragrance, and Kun Lun’s breath catches in wonder. 

“Beautiful, Xiao Wei.” He says, and Shen Wei flushes. But he’s smiling. Faint and broken, but still a smile. He holds out the flower to Kun Lun.

“Take it, then. It’s yours.” Kun Lun accepts it a little gingerly. But the petals and leaves don’t wilt, and it glows slightly brighter once Shen Wei makes it its own little pot full of soil.

Kun Lun allows Shen Wei to stay a little longer, his head resting on his lap while Kun Lun strokes the silk of his hair, fingers weaving through the strands and lightly scratching at Shen Wei’s scalp until he feels all the tension easing out of his little brother. The flower keeps glowing after Shen Wei has returned to his realm. Neither does it wilt. Kun Lun looks at it for a long time, touching his fingers to his petals and inhaling its gentle scent.

\---

Ye Zun was born at the same time as his brother. In his whole existence there was never not a time when his brother was beside him, playing with him, dreaming with him. Shen Wei is his brother, his friend, his most treasured lover. Half of himself. His heart.

(They woke up wrapped in each other’s arms by the banks of a nameless river, Shen Wei’s face the first thing Ye Zun ever saw in his existence.If they were human instead of the anthropomorphic personifications of consciousness, Ye Zun would call Shen Wei his _soul._ _)_

And then two thousand years ago happened. And half of Ye Zun was ripped away from him without him being able to stop it, without knowing where his twin went. Shen Wei’s absence had left nothing but a bleeding hole inside him that nothing could fill. Not sex, not vengeance, not drugs, or drink. Definitely not any of his other family members.

Ye Zun has dreamed of his twin returning to them for two thousand years.

But he’d forgotten this wasn’t one of Shen Wei’s stories. Repairing the land and the sky of the Dreaming is easy.

Repairing the rest of it (Shen Wei included) is not.

It had taken all of Shen Wei’s strength to heal the land around him. All of it, but it hadn’t been enough. What’s left of the Dreaming is still a sere wasteland. The remnants of it had barely been enough for Shen Wei to scrape up some semblance of his powers.

(“I lost my tools.” Dream had whispered to Desire. Soft and quiet, as if he’d been afraid of letting Death hear. “My bag of sand, the amber pendant Kun Lun-ge gave me - the things I used to harness my powers -they were stolen from me.” Desire had been sent to collect Dream from the ashes of his realm. He’d found Shen Wei huddled in his bed in the crumbling palace, staring into space.

“We have them.” Desire had been quick to assure him. “Kun Lun and I were able to find them and get them back. All we were waiting for was for you to come home.” He’d expected his older brother to relax, but there is no relief there. Only quiet panic at the mention of Death’s involvement, and a deep shame.

Hate for Death is a familiar enough emotion for Desire, but its potency still surprises him, sometimes.)

Kun Lun had brought Shen Wei his tools back- but the moment Shen Wei had touched the amber pendant containing his essence he’d promptly passed out from the wave of energy that had damn near consumed him.

He wakes up to Ye Zun shaking him awake and calling his name. Kun Lun is equally pale and troubled as he stows the pendant away again. Shen Wei’s expression had been disturbingly blank as consciousness trickled back in.

“A demon had it,” Ye Zun says a little bit later. “His energies must have tainted the stone. Death’s gone to have it purified.” It’s his turn to sit with Shen Wei on the bed now, stroking his hair and back. The repetitive motion should be comforting. There was a time that it was. But now Shen Wei shifts away from his touch.

 (His weakness, already unbearable in that glass cage, damn near suffocating him now. Desire can feel it. Dream wants to resurface, wants to _breathe,_ but how can you escape if what you’re drowning in his your own fragility?)

“When Kun Lun-ge comes back, I need to try again,” Shen Wei says. Ye Zun falters.

“Ge, you’ve barely just recovered-“ Shen Wei interrupts him.

“ _Ye Zun.”_ He says. “I need to try again.” He says. Ye Zun doesn’t try to contest him. Desperation and pride are two things he knows not to embattle.

Kun Lun returns with the purified pendant, and Shen Wei grasps for it. Nothing happens. The amber glows faintly in Shen Wei’s palm, but the Dreaming remains empty. 

“It’s all right. We’ll try again when you’re stronger.” Kun Lun, quiet and reassuring. Every bit the older brother he _wasn’t,_ two thousand years ago. But Ye Zun is staring too hard at Shen Wei’s face – the blankess in it, the desperate instinct to curve against their older brother for comfort, the terrible restraint with which he holds himself back – to feel any anger.

Ye Zun had waited for his brother to return for two thousand years. He’d been prepared to gut the world for that, need be.

He did not foresee that their greatest battle together would be after his return.

 _It’s no matter._ He decides. Ye Zun is the personification of Desire, and Desire always finds a way to get what he wants.

 

\---

 

Kun Lun had thought the matter of the Vortex was over and done with. That Shen Wei had learned what he should and that was the end of it. He doesn’t question matters when he finds Shen Wei in his realm two days after the Vortex’s death, poking at the flower he’d created.

Kun Lun allows him to stay for as long as he wishes. Shen Wei falls asleep, and Kun Lun doesn’t mind. He just wraps him in his robe and lets him stay there while he handles matters outside. Upon awaking, Shen Wei had looked like he was about to ask Kun Lun something. But he never speaks, and Kun Lun doesn’t pry. Just lets Shen Wei lean his head against his shoulder while the mist dances and twists in the air around them, the flower glowing like a little moon in a silver sky.

He learns he is wrong when Ye Zun confronts him. He and his younger brother have never gotten along, and are mostly content to give each other a wide berth. However the one matter that they always clash over is Shen Wei.

“Wei-gege is crying.” Ye Zun says, a few days after the burial and after Kun Lun had sent Shen Wei back to his realm. Kun Lun freezes. The way he’s not smiling in malice for once tells Kun Lun he’s deadly serious. His younger brother is furious, Kun Lun realizes. So angry he’s calm with it, standing in front of Kun Lun and staring him in the eye, with neither love nor respect.

(It’s unnerving, seeing the loathing on that face when he’d only ever seen devotion on that of the other. Death remembers earlier, remembers Dream’s anger and heartbreak. He forces the thought from his mind.)

“Shen Wei is Dream of the Endless.” Kun Lun says, voice cool and calm as he gazes unblinking at Ye Zun. “There are many difficult things he must learn to do in order to fulfil his duties If I protect him from them, I will be doing his office and those who rely on us –“ Ye Zun interrupts.

“Go fuck yourself, Kun Lun.” Ye Zun had never once called him _Gege._ That honor is Shen Wei’s alone. “Do you even hear what you’re saying?” Ye Zun’s cheeks are red. His eyes are almost wild with fury. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to Wei-gege? You hurt him and all you can think about is how he’s not living up to your expectations-“

“The expectations I burden you with are the axis on which this universe turns.” Kun Lun grinds out coldly. Angry now, but Ye Zun does not cower. He just glares back, defiant and wilfull. Looking at him, Kun Lun feels sudden rage licking at his ribcage, burning him up. “You cannot choose to cast them off at will when it’s convenient for you. Perhaps Da Qing and I should have separated the two of you, because clearly Shen Wei has been spoiling you-“ In a trice Ye Zun has taken three steps towards him and has a blade pressed against his throat.

Kun Lun falls silent, eyes wide and startled as he stares at his younger brother. Ye Zun presses down harder, and Kun Lun feels pain prickle where the blade has parted the skin. Part of him wonders where Ye Zun could have possibly gotten such a knife. Mostly, he stares at his younger brother in disbelief.

 Ye Zun is smiling again. His eyes are dark with the purest loathing Kun Lun has ever seen.

“If you ever talk about separating me from Shen Wei, I will rip your throat out with my teeth.” Ye Zun breathes. He presses the knife down harder. Blood trickles down Kun Lun’s neck, the warmth of it staining his collar.

“And if you do anything like what you did to Wei-gege earlier –“ He lets the blade drag across the skin of Kun Lun’s throat,  leaving a long cut along its wake. “If you do it again, family blood be damned, I’ll fucking bathe in every drop that’s in your body.” Kun Lun stares calmly at Ye Zun.

“If he hadn’t killed that Vortex, he would have destroyed the whole world.” He says. “Including our family.” Ye Zun’s face twists even further. His hand shakes with the exertion of stopping himself from stabbing the knife in.

“I don’t give a flying _fuck_ about your Vortex.” Ye Zun whispers. “You’re destroying Shen Wei. You broke him from the moment you met him and the worst part is you can’t even see what it’s costing him to tear himself apart in the shape you want him to be.” Kun Lun’s hands clench. Before he can answer, they hear shouts.

“Ge! Ye Zun! Stop that!” Ye Zun immediately wrenches away the knife.” Shen Wei’s eyes are wide with horror when he sees Kun Lun’s bloodstained collar. He shoves his twin behind him as soon as he gets close enough, putting himself between him and Kun Lun.

“Gege,” Ye Zun says, clutching at the back of Shen Wei’s robes. Kun Lun stares at Shen Wei. Shen Wei’s chest is heaving. His black hair is dishevelled, and his eyes are wide and red with weeping. The sound of running, and Da Qing arrives, in his human form with his eyes wide with alarm.

Shen Wei pushes Ye Zun back, behind him, then he immediately kneels in front of Kun Lun. His forehead touching the floor as he bows. “Let the punishment be mine,” Shen Wei whispers as Kun Lun, already halfway down one knee to make him get up. Shen Wei glances upwards, and his face pales when he sees the cut on Kun Lun’s neck.

“Please. It’s not Ye Zun’s fault. He misunderstood what I told him.” The words spill out of Shen Wei in a messy rush. He glances at his twin again. Ye Zun’s lips are curled as he glares at his other siblings, but he doesn’t budge from Shen Wei’s side despite the pleading looks Shen Wei sends his way. Shen Wei flinches as Kun Lun grasps his elbow.

“Get up, Xiao Wei.” Kun Lun says quietly. Shen Wei does not get up. He keeps his head bowed, not even when Kun Lun tries to pull him up. Unbidden, Kun Lun ‘s eyes meet Ye Zun’s.

He finds no triumph there, nor satisfaction. Just heartbreak as Shen Wei holds himself prostrate.

“Xiao Wei.” Kun Lun says. He keeps his voice soft. “Please get up. I am not angry.” Shen Wei quivers. But slowly, as Kun Lun keeps his grasp on Shen Wei’s arm firm and gentle, he allows himself to be pulled up.

His throat bobs as he swallows. His eyes flicker to the cut on Kun Lun’s throat. As Kun Lun watches, they grow glassy. Shen Wei fumbles for the edge of his sleeve and presses it against the cut. Kun Lun winces at the pressure but allows Shen Wei to staunch the bleeding.

His fingers are cool against Kun Lun’s neck. They shake a little, but go still when Kun Lun gently grazes the back of his hand with the tips of his own digits. Once Kun Lun senses the bleeding has stopped, he lifts Shen Wei’s hand away. Shen Wei twitches, and Kun Lun gives his wrist a gentle squeeze.

“You may go, Xiao Wei. Ye Zun.” Kun Lun says. He turns away from them, his throat still stinging, hearing Ye Zun hiss something and then fall silent at Shen Wei’s curt response, his sleeve wet with Kun Lun’s blood. When he glances back behind him, the twins have gone, and only Da Qing is there. A cat again, walking slowly towards Kun Lun like a patch of night.

“I warned you.” Da Qing says. “How many times do I have to tell you? Dream’s not like Desire. Why do you keep being so hard on him?” Kun Lun lets out a breath, remembering Shen Wei’s eyes, red from crying.

“He needs to learn, Da Qing.” Kun Lun says steadily. “Just as you and I did. It’s the only way he’ll survive the future.” Da Qing flicks his tail.

“At what cost, Death?” He points out. Kun Lun touches the edges of the wound on his neck, does not respond.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to mark, Nemo, ananeiah, ang3lsh1, and ExtraPenguin for helping me finish this, this fic would never have been done without them. T.T

The cut takes a very long time to heal. Kun Lun suspects it probably wouldn’t have if Shen Wei hadn’t followed him and taken him by the wrist, leading him to the Dreaming before he can protest and sitting him beside the riverbank where Kun Lun had found him and his twin. The real river has dried up centuries before, but Shen Wei still keeps the memory of it here. It’s the spot Kun Lun usually finds himself wandering to when he visits Shen Wei, the air sweeter and brighter than any facsimile Kun Lun can create in his realm.

Kun Lun winces as Shen Wei peels the bandage off. The cut is bleeding again, and it’s beginning to sting. Shen Wei’s brow furrows as he surveys it, then takes out a small jar full of an herbal paste he’d been carrying in a basket, along with a fresh roll of bandages. By the way the blood clots immediately and the wound goes numb after Shen Wei smears some of the paste against his throat, the herbs Shen Wei had used aren’t anything that can be found in the waking world.

“Forgive me,” Shen Wei says. His voice shakes, just a little, though his hands as they dress Kun Lun’s wound are steady and sure. “I made Ye Zun that knife in case he needs to protect himself. You know what he’s like, I worry he might offend someone and they might hurt him in retaliation.” He ties off the edges of the bandage, snips the ends off. “I never thought he would try to use it against you.” And Kun Lun can think of any number of responses to that. He can point out how Shen Wei underestimates Ye Zun’s hatred for him, or his twin’s savage protectiveness. But all he can think of is how red Shen Wei’s eyes had been.

Kun Lun reaches up to cover Shen Wei’s hands with his, and Shen Wei goes still. 

“You were crying.” Kun Lun says quietly. Shen Wei lowers his gaze. His hand reaches up to fiddle with the amber pendant Kun Lun had gifted him with, and that usually lay hidden beneath his robes. Kun Lun remembers how relieved he had felt on seeing his younger brother smile. How that hadn’t been enough, and he wouldn’t have known if it hadn’t been for Ye Zun.

“Forgive me.” Shen Wei says again. He keeps his head bowed, refusing to meet Kun Lun’s eyes. And then Kun Lun pulls him forward and kisses him on the forehead.

Shen Wei’s eyes snap up, widening almost comically, and he shivers as Kun Lun folds him into his arms. But he does not pull away, and Kun Lun does not let him go. He holds onto Shen Wei like he’s seen other mortals do for their loved ones. And it’s a strange thing to do but it feels right, under the circumstances.

“Killing is hard.” He says, a little awkwardly, all too aware that this is the first time he’s comforted Shen Wei like this. “Even the necessary deaths, and the underserving die far more often than those that do.” His arms tighten around Shen Wei. _You’re so young, and so gentle. I worry about what the world will do to you if I’m not there to guide and protect you._ “I’m sorry for being cruel. There are so many things I need you to learn so you’ll be ready.”  Shen Wei’s body is slender beneath the layers of his robes. He’s gotten so tall, Kun Lun notices with some bewildered surprise, wondering if this is what parents feel like when they find out that their children have grown up almost without them noticing.  

He holds onto Shen Wei, and after a long, frozen moment, Shen Wei nuzzles his face against his shoulder. Kun Lun feels his chest ease as Shen Wei returns his embrace. Holding onto him just as tightly. 

“I know, Ge.” He whispers. “I understand. I promise I’ll do better.” Kun Lun smiles. Kisses him again, this time on his temple, then lets go. Shen Wei rubs at the spot Kun Lun had kissed, blushing. His smile brightens as Kun Lun pats the ground beside him, asks him what new dreams he has created for the humans in his keeping. Their shoulders brush together as Shen Wei demonstrates to Kun Lun the wonders and ideas humanity has wrought.

(They neither of them notice Desire, face pale and fists clenched, hidden behind a tree. His eyes hungry as he watches Dream smile and laugh beside their older brother.)

Kun Lun does not speak to Ye Zun for a long time afterwards. When he does, it’s because the twins have  brought home two new sisters. Destruction and Despair hold hands much the same way the twins did when Da Qing and Kun Lun found them, but they look as different as night and day. Kun Lun sighs. Turns to Shen Wei and Ye Zun both.

“Now it’s your turn to teach them.” Kun Lun tells the two of them. Shen Wei flushes and inclines his head. Ye Zun rolls his eyes, even when Shen Wei pinches him.

“Yes, Gege.” Shen Wei says. Quiet pride flickers in Kun Lun’s chest, but he makes no mention of it, just sends his siblings on their way.

(If he notices the lingering look Dream sends his way as he leaves – or the utter venom in Desire’s glare - he makes mention of it to no one.)

 

\---

Shen Wei tries, again and again.

He fails, again and again.

The amber pendant won’t work for him. The grains of sand whisper, then fall flat. When he tries to form something, it falls apart moments after. The Dreaming remains a ruin, recognizing no master. The only room that isn’t dissolving halfway to sand is the library at its heart, holding every book that humans were supposed to have written, and not. That in itself is a ruin of loose papers, mouldering books, shattered clay tablets. The first time Shen Wei had stepped foot in it after two thousand years, he hadn’t been able to stop the sob that bubbled up inside of him. Ye Zun had tried to comfort him as best as he could, but he knows something irreparable inside his brother has broken.

What made it so much worse was Kun Lun had been there, watching him, face so full of worry that would make Ye Zun seethe had this been any other time. Somehow Shen Wei manages to control himself, stop himself from bawling outright. But when Kun Lun had reached for him – like he was about to take Shen Wei in his arms, Shen Wei shies away.

Kun Lun doesn’t try to do it again. Shen Wei whispers to Ye Zun how grateful he was that their older brother had stopped himself, desperately trying to hold himself together even as his skin, his heart cries out for the comfort of Kun Lun’s arms. The comfort he cannot accept, not like this.

“You just need rest.” Ye Zun tries to reassure him. But the longer Shen Wei spends trying to restore the Dreaming, the weaker his powers seem to be. The grasses he resurrected dry out and die, the flowers wither. The palace remains a crumbling ruin.

The Lord of Dreams sits among the bones of his empty kingdom, and none can tell him how to bring it back to life. 

“What’s wrong with me?” Shen Wei whispers. Ye Zun holds him loosely from behind. The desperation is a painful thing to watch clawing at Shen Wei’s chest. He curls in on himself, and Ye Zun tries to ease it with his touch, pressing kisses to Shen Wei’s cheek and neck. Remembering another time, when Shen Wei had sought comfort from him the same way, but this will be even harder to heal.

It’s Delight who finally hits the nail on the head, despite his best efforts.

“Shen Wei-gege, maybe you don’t have to try so hard.” Delight says timidly. “After all, people have been dreaming for the two thousand years you were gone.”

Shen Wei’s expression goes very, very blank. Kun Lun glares at Delight, and Delight falters, going pale at the look on Ye Zun’s face. As if it’s just occurred to his stupid brain that he’s just told Shen Wei the worst thing he can possibly say.

“Perhaps so.” Shen Wei says softly. Later, Ye Zun and Kun Lun find Shen Wei in the Dreaming, sitting amidst the ruins of the library. Kun Lun hangs back, his steps soundless. The sight of Shen Wei’s flinch had shaken him, Ye Zun knows. As did Shen Wei’s concentrated efforts to avoid him, after. Ye Zun would feel satisfaction, but it’s not his twin’s worship of their older brother finally being smothered, but the same burning him alive.

 “I thought things would be better when I finally got home.” Shen Wei says out loud as Ye Zun sits beside him. “I was wrong.” He’s staring at the ruins of the shelves around him. As Kun Lun approaches, Ye Zun holds his hand out in front of him jerks his head. _Stay away._ Kun Lun freezes, and Ye Zun glares at him into staying put, turns away. Kun Lun’s presence is the last thing Shen Wei needs, when he’s in this state. Even with the raw need rolling off of him like pain, Ye Zun almost suffocating under its intensity, the way Shen Wei's fingers are tangled in his long hair like he’s trying to feel the echo of gentle strokes and light caresses against his scalp. The other hand clutching onto his pendant so tightly his fingertips have gone white. 

Shen Wei doesn’t notice their older brother watching him, too lost in his own misery and so tense he's trembling with it as Ye Zun loops his arms around him, sighing and kissing the back of his neck.

“Two thousand years can atrophy anyone’s powers, Ge.” Ye Zun points out, cheek pressed against his twin’s shoulder. Shen Wei shakes his head, slow.

“Time isn’t what’s wrong with me, Didi.” Shen Wei whispers. “You know that.” Ye Zun snorts.

“You really believe that idiot?” Ye Zun asks lightly. Shen Wei turns to look at him.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Shen Wei says. “Humanity has survived two thousand years without my existence. Why would it need me now?”

“Ge…”Ye Zun says, feeling utterly, painfully helpless. Shen Wei is silent. He doesn’t react even when Ye Zun presses their cheeks together.

“I don’t want our other siblings to see me like this. “ Shen Wei finally whispers. “I don’t want _Kun lun-ge_ to see me like this. Not after everything he’s done for me.”

 Kun Lun makes an aborted gesture towards them, but stops at the look on Ye Zun’s face. At the silver saltwater, spilling down Shen Wei’s cheeks. Overflowing, ceaseless even as Ye Zun swipes beneath his eyes with the edge of his sleeve. His shoulders shaking as he buries his face between his knees and starts to sob.

“We’ll find a way to fix this.” Ye Zun promises, arms tight around his twin in a protective embrace. Shen Wei does not look up, and Ye Zun knows he doesn’t believe him.

\---

The arrival of their sisters heralds an even busier age for the six of them. The girls learn fast, and isn’t long before they have realms of their own. Destruction’s is an ever-shifting paradise of natural beauty, magma hissing to form small islands and seeds breaking out of their husks to form towering forests – only to be toppled again and burnt, the ground cracking beneath and swallowing the ruins whole. Despair’s is at first a pool of still water, so deep that it’s black all the way down. And then it shifts to a hall of mirrors. Burnished copper and silver and gold revealing pale faces, shadows, regrets.

Shen Wei walks with Kun Lun less now. Kun Lun notices him spending much time with their younger sister, walking her gardens with her and talking, fetching new seeds from her realm and growing it in the Dreaming. It’s unsurprising. There cannot be new growth without destruction. There cannot be new dreams without growth. But Kun Lun – especially during sunsets – finds himself looking for his shadow. Unable to shake off the quiet disappointment when he doesn’t appear.

Da Qing sighs at Kun Lun from his perch on his lap. “You miss him.” The eldest says. He sounds exasperated.

Ye Zun prefers the company of their other sister, though the same couldn’t quite be said of the opposite. Despair is curt and irritable and Ye Zun finds it quite amusing how she never seems to give into her nature. Which is how Kun Lun runs into Ye Zun, preening before one of Despair’s mirrors, while Despair looks about ready to punt him through it.   

“ _Meimei,_ let me handle him.” Kun Lun sighs. Despair glares at Ye Zun, then flounces off. Ye Zun smirks at Kun Lun’s reflection.

“Greetings, brother dearest.” He drawls. Kun Lun nods at him stiffly. The movement pulls at the scar on his neck. A memory of Shen Wei, hands steady as he tended to it, resurfaces.

Ye Zun’s smirk widens just a little, and Kun Lun shoves it out of his mind.

“He gave me such a scolding when I gave you that. Then he chased you down, against my advice to the contrary.” He turns to face Kun Lun, and it’s so strange how he can look exactly like Shen Wei, but Kun Lun will always be able to tell them apart.

 Kun Lun’s mouth twists. “Shen Wei knows his duties. He knows how to listen.” He says. “It’s not my fault he decides to fulfil them instead of spending time with you.” It comes out more acid than he intends.  Ye Zun snorts, rolls his eyes.

“More like – you know how to force him to do what you want and make him believe it’s what he wants, too.” Ye Zun says. “He does everything you tell him. You don’t notice because you don’t care enough.” Kun Lun opens his mouth to protest – and then remembers the prophet.

He shuts his mouth, and Ye Zun laughs. Turns around to face Kun Lun, his arms crossed over his chest.

“What are you after, Ye Zun?” Kun Lun asks at last, tired to the bone of playing games with his youngest brother. “Why do you keep bringing Shen Wei up? We aggravate each other enough without involving him.” Ye Zun’s smirk doesn’t fade. Kun Lun has seen perhaps every degree of malice Ye Zun’s smiles have, and it prickles his skin how he can’t quite seem to gauge this one.

 “Go to the Dreaming as soon as you can. You’ll know where to wait when you get there. Don’t let Shen Wei know you’re coming.” Ye Zun stands up in one fluid movement, brushes past Kun Lun. “You’ll understand what I mean soon enough.” Kun Lun’s left alone in Despair’s realm, staring at his own reflection.

\---

Shen Wei withdraws.

He does it subtly at first, enough that he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. The one place in the Dreaming left to him is the library, damaged and crumbling though it might be. A book is still a book, unwritten or not, and though the scope may be monumental, Shen Wei is determined. He starts in the southwestern annex, decides it’s as good a place as any to work his way up.

He does not ask anyone for help. His siblings offer, but he turns them down as politely as he can. Working in the library keeps him tired, distracted. Kun Lun is the one who protests the most loudly, but at the little jerk of Despair’s head and the glare Ye Zun sends his way, he falls silent. Shen Wei does not look him in the eye when he leaves 4 Guangming Avenue, not even when Kun Lun corners him, hand coming up to rest on his shoulder.

“Xiao Wei,” Kun Lun says. His hand is warm on Shen Wei’s arm, his voice quiet. Like he’s trying to gentle a skittish mare, and Shen Wei swallows the lump in his throat at how much he must be disappointing him right now. “You-“

“It’s all right, Ge.” Shen Wei tries to smile. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He gently pulls free from Kun Lun’s grip, leaving his older brother staring after him. Closing his eyes and hurrying away from the memory of Kun Lun leaving him behind.

(“He’s not all right.” Despair says, staring after him. Desire’s eyes meet Death’s. There’s blame there. Death, to his credit, does not look away.

“Look after him.” Death says quietly. Desire’s eyes flash.

“I never needed you to give me orders then.” He snarls. “I certainly don’t for this.”)

Ye Zun does not protest or offer help. He also does not leave Shen Wei alone. When Shen Wei leaves Kun Lun’s realm, Ye Zun follows. Unheard and unseen at first, but during the second day he steps out from behind a bookshelf.

“You know,” Ye Zun says, bracing himself by the elbows on the narrow shelves. “I do understand the appeal of never seeing our family members again.” He flops down beside Shen Wei, who’s stiffened slightly, sitting cross-legged on the floor. “There have been centuries where I was happy enough never to see a single hide nor hair of our brothers and sisters.” Shen Wei quietly ignores him, setting a book on a shelf. The first of a thousand in one small bookshelf alone.

“Not sure how well this excuse to isolate yourself and lead a hermit-like existence will pan out, however.” Ye Zun drawls, and Shen Wei flinches.

“Ye Zun…” Shen Wei trails off. Sighs.

 “We still have our responsibilities.” He says at last. Ye Zun watches him, eyes narrowed. “I am still Dream of the Endless, even without my tools or my crown. Didi…”  he snaps his mouth shut, breathing hard.

“I have my functions. I will not abandon them.” He repeats. Ye Zun is quiet. Shen Wei does not have to look at his face to know what the expression on his face must be, now. He stares at the cover of the book he holds in his hands, unable to read even its title. Wanting Kun Lun with him _so badly,_ his guidance, their older brother’s hand cradling his the way he used to as he taught him all he knew, what to treasure and what to value in the mortals in their keeping. But he can’t let Kun Lun see what’s become of him. He can’t.

 Shen Wei knows Ye Zun can taste his longing like ashes in his mouth, and he feel ashamed.

“If I can’t even do the one job I was trained to do.” Shen Wei whispers. “What I was _created_ to do.” Ye Zun makes a small sound of frustration, and Shen Wei flinches again.

“ _Didi,_ if I can’t be Dream of the Endless, what’s going to be left of me?” He falls silent again, shivering. He looks up, expecting to be alone.  He does not expect Ye Zun to curse up a storm as he settles down beside him, starts pulling at the pile of books.

“My twin, then.” Ye Zun snarls. “A pretty damn ungrateful one, but still my twin. I may not be who you want, but I’m _here._ Fucking _hell_ all this dust…”  He grumbles and grouses all the while, but at Shen Wei opening his mouth he raises his hand, glaring him into silence.

(He does not notice how Desire looks up, glaring at a gap in the bookshelves a little ways away. Doesn’t see their older brother, present amongst the shadows, watching over him as he works.)

Kun Lun knows he shouldn’t listen. He really shouldn’t. But if Shen Wei were to be involved, if he were in some sort of conflict with his twin, and hadn’t thought to tell Kun Lun… Kun Lun’s gut twists at the thought of all that malice and cruelty, turned against his gentlest, most fragile sibling.

Which is why he finds himself in the Dreaming. Soft grass crunches under his feet, and he looks around himself. He’s been walking for a while now, with nothing but Ye Zun’s vague instructions to guide him. Gliding through dreamers and the inhabitants that Shen Wei has created to serve them, and he’s nothing more than a shadow to them.

Eventually, all his walking leads to a particularly isolated section of the Dreaming.  Kun Lun’s ready to call it quits and give up, it’s just like Ye Zun to waste his time just to annoy him – when he hears a laugh.

Shen Wei’s laugh. There’s no mistaking the gentle, warm cadence of it, so different from his twin’s. But what startles Kun Lun is how free it sounds, bright and sweet.

Kun Lun is still for a moment, listening to it – has it truly been that long since he’d heard his younger brother laugh like this And then he hurries. The ground under Kun Lun’s feet becomes familiar. And oh. Of course. The river. Shen Wei’s river.

The path leads him to the bamboo grove he remembers growing by the riverbed. And then he hangs back, because in Shen Wei’s river there is a clearing the middle of it that Kun Lun doesn’t remember existing. The bamboo grows thick. Kun Lun holds himself still. Because Shen Wei isn’t alone.

Ye Zun is with him.

The twins are lying on the grass of the clearing, facing each other.  Shen Wei with his back to Kun Lun, head pillowed on his arm. Ye Zun with an arm around his waist, playing with his twin’s dark hair. The two of them are talking, their voices too soft and low for Kun Lun to hear. But Shen Wei laughs again, throwing his head back and Ye Zun smiles.

It’s not a smile Kun Lun’s ever seen on the younger twin’s face. Warm and real and tender. As soft as his gaze when he looks at Shen Wei. And Kun Lun knows he should look away. Every bone in his body is teeling him to leave, this is not for his eyes even though Ye Zun was the one who brought him here. But he stands frozen. Waiting.

And then Ye Zun slowly reaches out to tug at the front of Shen Wei’s robes. Shen Wei not breaking eye contact as Ye Zun slips the black silk off his shoulders, his sweet face flushing red and Kun Lun can see how his fingers shake when he too starts to untie Ye Zun’s robes. Ye Zun slipping the white silk off his shoulders and he had pushed Shen Wei down onto the soft grass.

Kun Lun watches them unseen. He would have stepped in had Shen Wei been in any way reluctant, but he hadn’t pulled away when Ye Zun kissed him. And when Ye Zun finally pushes him down and spreads his legs open, Kun Lun can’t bring himself to look away, as Ye Zun conjures a bottle from thin air. coating his fingers in oil and pushing them in.

“Ah.” Shen Wei gasps. He’s red, red all over. His cock flushed and erect and Kun Lun’s mouth goes  dry at the sight of him. He’s beautiful. He’s perfect. He’s Dream, longed for and cherished. Ye Zun kisses the curve of Shen Wei’s ear, covers his cock in oil and drops the bottle in the grass. Shen Wei’s eyes flutter shut as he pushes in.

Shen Wei shudders, opening his eyes and sighing as Ye Zun sheathes himself completely, then starts to move. The rhythm is steady – Ye Zun touches his twin’s body with a gentleness bordering on reverence Kun Lun hadn’t thought him capable of. Then again, that’s the point of Dream, isn’t it? To whisper tenderness in your ear and say you have to. Fairly soon Shen Wei’s making soft, sweet sounds from his throat as Ye Zun picks up the pace, and Ye Zun cups his twin’s jaw, pulling him up for a kiss. First against his mouth and next on his temple.

“Say his name,” Ye Zun whispers. He kisses Shen Wei on the cheek. “You can say his name, Ge. I know you want him too.” And Shen Wei shudders, his hands clenching at Ye Zun’s hips as Ye Zun buries himself to the hilt inside of him.

“ _Kun Lun-ge_.” His voice breaks in a sob, and Kun Lun comes at the same time as Shen Wei does, at the sound of his soft, sweet cry., and Kun Lun bracing his shaking hand against the trunk of a tree as pleasure washes over his younger brother’s soft face. Illuminating it in a way he’d never seen before.

Ye Zun finishes with a grunt, then collapses on top of his Shen Wei. Shen Wei wraps his legs and arms around him, holding him close. The twins breathe hard, in time with each other. The two of them whispering things to each other that Kun Lun can’t hear, and then Ye Zun pushes himself up with a groan. Pulling out of Shen Wei, and Kun Lun almost feels himself get hard again when Shen Wei sighs. He’s a marvel – shivering quietly in the spring air, a complete mess, legs still spread open as Ye Zun mouths kisses on his inner thighs. Ye Zun kisses him on the soft skin of his groin, runs a hand over his hip.

“I told you it would be good.” Ye Zun says, and Shen Wei flushes scarlet again at how smug his twin sounds, but nods. Ye Zun smirks.

“Maybe you can do it with Kun Lun next time,” Ye Zun breathes. “I’ve already gotten what I wanted, anyway. I got to fuck you first.” Shen Wei doesn’t even deign that with a reply, just swats at his brother’s head. Ye Zun ducks, snickering. And then he’d stood up, pulled Shen Wei up by the hand, heedless of how Shen Wei’s legs were still shaking. The both of them splashing naked into the river to wash themselves. Shen Wei had been smiling, his cheeks ruddy. Ye Zun had hung back along the shore, and then Shen Wei had gently pulled him in, the both of them treading water. Ye Zun kissing Shen Wei and Shen Wei responding, eager and bright-eyed. 

Kun Lun knows they will be occupied for a long while yet, and his come is already drying, tacky on skin and under his robes. He turns away, disappearing into the bamboo groves, the sound of laughter fading behind him.

 

\---

Shen Wei works.

He and Ye Zun make virtually no dent in the pile of unsorted books, but they work all the same.

Their other siblings try to offer help – Shen Wei doesn’t know what Ye Zun says to scare them off, but he’s absurdly, selfishly grateful.

(Dream is glad, more than anything else, that Death isn’t there. Too ashamed, too exhausted. But from time to time when he stands up to walk to the far end of the library he finds himself reaching for a hand that isn’t there. The longing in his chest burning like a hot brand that he knows even Desire can feel, when he forgets what he came for and buries himself against his twin’s side.)

Their days are silent, punctuated only by Shen Wei telling Ye Zun to do one thing or another. It’s Ye Zun who remembers meals, and Ye Zun who drags Shen Wei to bed when he sees him ignoring exhaustion. Ye Zun wraps his limbs around Shen Wei’s, making sure there’s no way he can get up and go back to work before he’s rested properly, then glares at him until he closes his eyes.

(Their older brother always emerges after Dream’s fallen asleep. Desire tolerates his presence – if only because of how he sees the strained frown on his twin’s forehead eases when Death strokes at it.

“Does he ask for me?” Death asks quietly. He’s given up asking Desire to let Dream let him in. Now he just waits by the sidelines for anything Dream might ask from him. A touch to his hair, a caress to his cheek. Soft words whispered in the dark that only Dream can hear in his sleep.

“No,” Desire says shortly, grudgingly. “But he misses you.” Death closes his eyes, his sigh shaky, leans his forehead against the side of Dream’s head.

In the morning when Death is gone, Dream always looks around. But he never asks any questions, and Desire never tells him.)

They finish one shelf, start in on another, then stop when Shen Wei finds a pile of clay tablets, bits of them already almost crushed to a powder. They stir feebly when Shen Wei tries to re-form them. At his twin’s pleading gaze, Ye Zun wordlessly makes it whole again using his powers and hands it back to Shen Wei. Shen Wei’s hands are shaking so badly when he takes them that Ye Zun’s worried he’ll drop and break them all over again. Shen Wei studiously avoids his eyes after, but Ye Zun doesn’t have to look at them to know they’re full of self-loathing.

Later that same day – for lack of anything better to call the intervals between Shen Wei hauling himself out of bed and Ye Zun dragging him back - when Kun Lun shows up, Ye Zun is leaning against the dilapidated headboard of Shen Wei’s bed, staring at his twin’s sleeping face.

“He’s not doing well.”  Ye Zun says without preamble. Kun Lun gently takes Shen Wei by the wrist, and Shen Wei does not stir. His twin, Ye Zun knows, does not dream. His mind simply sinks into the dark when he sleeps, and this is why more often than not, Shen Wei wakes up shivering, half-believing he’s still in his cage.

 _“I only ever had one dream of my own, Didi.”_ Ye Zun remembers Shen Wei telling him. His gaze distant and hungry with want as he watches their older brother and the bitterness of it still stings now, two thousand years on.

Two thousand years.

“You need to help me fix Shen Wei-gege.” Ye Zun says. The admission of weakness – to Kun Lun of all people – is bitter in his throat. But he’s spent long enough watching Shen Wei silently falling apart to know he can’t do this alone.

Kun Lun folds Shen Wei’s hand gently between his, with a tenderness that _maybe_ he should have _showed_ Shen Wei two thousand years ago. Ye Zun allows himself that scrap of spite as Kun Lun brushes his mouth against Shen Wei’s fingers. The lines on Shen Wei’s forehead ease.

“I thought I caused him more harm with my presence?” Kun Lun says quietly. Ye Zun snorts, tucks his knees to his chest and leans back against the headboard.

“Oh, don’t doubt you do. He’s a ball of shame and anxiety whenever you’re around.” Ye Zun says, the words cruel but too exhausted to be really used to hurt. “And that’s precisely why this is your responsibility. You made him hate himself. You’re the only one who can fix this.”

 “What do you think I’ve been trying to do, Ye Zun? It’s not like you don’t notice I’m there.” Kun Lun’s mouth is tense. “But if Shen Wei can’t even stand the sight of me-” Ye Zun lets out a low growl of frustration.

“Spare me your self-pity party. You were the one who kept telling him his only worth is if he does his job right.” Ye Zun spits out. “Now he doesn’t have a job, and I’m sure it hasn’t escaped you how he’s fucking _imploding.”_ Kun Lun is shaking. Shoulders hunched and Ye Zun allows himself some small amount of vicious satisfaction at the sight.

“As much as it pains me to admit it, he doesn’t need to hear he still has worth from me. He needs it from _you. So try fucking harder.”_ Ye Zun snarls. And Kun Lun actually looks up at that, eyes blazing. But Shen Wei suddenly tightens his grip on his hand.

They fall silent, waiting. But Shen Wei doesn’t wake. He just sighs.

“Ge?” It’s a soft whisper, half-muffled against his pillow. Ye Zun swallows down the acid burn of jealousy in his throat. Death looks down. Laces their fingers together, tightly.

“I’m here, Xiao Wei.” He says softly. Shen Wei sighs again.

“Gege.” He falls silent. Kun Lun pulls the blanket up to cover Shen Wei warmly, while Ye Zun clenches his fists, nails digging into his palms.

“Just give me the chance to talk to him.” Kun Lun finally says into the silence. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

“That can be arranged.” Ye Zun says coldly. “Don’t you dare fuck this up.” He slips out of the bed and away, desperate to smell anything but the  rotting dust and paper of this place.  Leaving Kun Lun alone with Shen Wei for the first time since his return.

(Death strokes Dream’s forehead again when his younger brother frowns. He holds his hand up to his lips, presses it against his heart.

“I love you too, Xiao Wei.” He whispers. Dream sleeps. He does not hear.)

\---

He tells Da Qing, of course. Well, not so much tell since Da Qing has likely already read about what happened, anyway. More like, storm into the Garden of Forking Paths and demand from their eldest brother what the hell just happened as soon as he gets the chance.

“You knew about this!” Kun Lun rages, walking back and forth. Da Qing, in his human form, keeps his arms crossed in front of him and rolls his eyes.

“Of course. The hell’d you expect me to do, Death? Stop Desire from getting what he wants? I’m lucky they didn’t do it in my garden.” He shudders, a sentiment that Kun Lun would understand if only he hadn’t had all his sympathy burned out by the sight of his twin brothers fucking in front of him.

(Dream’s cheeks had been still been reddened when he arrived at Death’s realm later, smelling of river water and the faintest, sweetest hint of sex that he hadn’t fully managed to wash away. He’d been limping slightly, and although Death hadn’t brought up what he’d witnessed he’d been brutally curt with Dream as they helped a young prison warden turned rebel leader win his first war.

When it was over, Dream’s eyes were red at the corners as he bowed in farewell. Guilt had flared in Death, then. He’d relented, placed his hand gently on the crown of Dream’s  bowed head. Letting his touch linger for a moment while the flush returned to Dream’s cheeks and his eyes cleared, and the silk of his younger brother’s hair had made his palm and fingers tingle long after he’d dismissed him.)

“And I suppose since your all-seeing self read it in your damned book, you decided it’s something you can’t stop from coming to pass.” Kun Lun spits out. Da Qing sighs. 

“Dream wanted it too.” He says flatly. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t miss that. Don’t blame Desire for everything. He’s a little shit, but he only gives Dream what he asks for.”  At this, Kun Lun lets out a growl. But before he can reply, Da Qing flicks his tail.

“And I think it’s quite apparent that what Shen Wei really wanted was _you.”_

Silence. Kun Lun’s nails dig into his palms. He’s trembling minutely. Da Qing looks at him evenly, then sighs.

“Death, you know as well as me that Dream is the last person Desire would ever hurt.”  Da Qing says says.  “And I’ve told you again and again – be careful with Dream. He’s more fragile than he appears. You never listened.” He shifts into his human form – the better to send Kun Lun a withering look, strangely more effective with his blind eyes.

“You can’t blame Desire for taking matters into his own hands.” Da Qing says. “Dream adores you, and looks up to you, and I know you love him dearly. But listen to Desire. Desire knows his twin. And because of that, Desire has good cause to resent how you treat Dream. How you _always_ treat Dream, even when you don’t mean to.”

Kun Lun does not answer. He remembers Shen Wei’s shy smile. His quiet laugh, the intent look he got in his eyes when he was concentrating on something Kun Lun was telling him. His wordless devotion, how his whole face lights up when Kun Lun spends time with him. The way he’d gasped Kun Lun’s name as Ye Zun took him.

“Why show that to me, then?” Kun Lun asks, his voice tight. “Why show _him-_ If he really wants to keep Shen Wei away from me-” Da Qing gives him a flat look.

“Desire’s thoughts are not mine to disclose.” Da Qing says. “They’re yours to comprehend from his actions. But know this, Death. Everything he does is to protect Dream from further pain- especially from you. _”_  He walks away, grabbing his book. Leaving Kun Lun alone with his thoughts.

Later, Kun Lun’s sitting on his perch in Da Qing’s garden when he hears the quiet rustle of leaves. Shen Wei’s dark head emerges from the treetops. He smiles, soft, when Kun Lun turns to acknowledge him.

“Gege. It’s been a while.” Kun Lun doesn’t answer. He just looks at him. At his beautiful younger brother, his face flushed and his hair slightly dishevelled from being caught on the twigs. _He’s more fragile than he appears…_

“What are you doing here?” Kun Lun asks, more brusquely than he intended. Shen Wei glances down. Doubt, flickering across his lovely face. Kun Lun’s mouth goes dry. He looks away.

“I thought I could come visit. It’s been a while since we were alone together. I brought you fruit from my garden. Ge Lan gave me the seeds, but she can’t grow them in her realm anymore.” He’s carrying a couple of red-orange fruits that don’t exist in the waking world. Kun Lun reaches for one, and bites into it.

The flesh is pale cream, and crisp. Very sweet, and so juicy that it runs down Kun Lun’s chin when he bites down onto it. Shen Wei’s already halfway through his. _Lovemaking makes one hungry,_ the snarling, jealous voice in Kun Lun’s head says. He silences it, handing the fruit back to Shen Wei when he sees he’s finished his.

“Too sweet for me.” He says. He looks away from the flash of disappointment in Shen Wei’s gaze. Shen Wei takes it from him. Kun Lun doesn’t miss how he bites into the fruit where his mouth had been, first. Above them the sky fades to indigo. Kun Lun is grateful for it. It disguises the flush that crawls up his cheeks as he watches Shen Wei eat.

“How is Ye Zun?” Kun Lun finds himself asking. Shen Wei freezes. Tries to collect himself.

“He’s fine.” He answers, absently wiping at his lips with the back of his hand. “I saw him earlier.” The hot, angry thing in Kun Lun’s gut twists again. He distracts himself by reaching for his sleeve, grasping for the handkerchief he finds there.

“I thought I taught you how to wipe your face properly.” Kun Lun scolds, gently taking Shen Wei by the chin. He holds Shen Wei’s cheek in one hand, then dabs at the sticky juice on Shen Wei’s chin.  Shen Wei flushes, but allows Kun Lun to do what he wants. Holding himself still and silent, and unbidden, Kun Lun remembers Ye Zun’s words.

 _He does everything you want him to._ He remembers Shen Wei’s eyes, shining wet when he saw his first battlefield. He remembers the Vortex. Shen Wei’s apologies and tears. How free his laugh had been, when Kun Lun had heard him in that clearing. In the dark he sees Shen Wei contain a shiver as Kun Lun takes his hand, wipes at the juice smeared there.

“Xiao Wei,” Kun Lun begins, stops. And part of him wants to find the truth of Ye Zun’s words for himself. Wants to own Shen Wei, keep him for himself. It wouldn’t even be difficult. _Shen Wei does everything you want him to do._  

Shen Wei is quiet under his touch. Trusting and tender, and Kun Lun’s  gut twists at the guileless softness on his face. He smiles when Kun Lun does not let go of his hand, and his eyes light up with so much love that Kun Lun does not even understand how he _missed._  He can tell this innocent child to cut his heart out for him and he would do it. He can ask Shen Wei to give himself over to Kun Lun completely and he would obey. He would stay forever by Kun Lun’s side and be his alone.

But Kun Lun also knows that he cannot -will not- ever ask this of Shen Wei. _He cannot even cry in front of you,_ Kun Lun thinks to himself sickly as his fingers curl around his younger brother’s.

 Ye Zun’s cruelty now, Kun Lun realizes, is ingenuous. He had dangled everything Kun Lun hadn’t realized he wanted in front of him, knowing Kun Lun wouldn’t reach for it once he saw what he was doing to Shen Wei.

“Gege?” Shen Wei’s voice is soft with concern. Kun Lun shakes his head.

“It’s nothing.” He says. He folds Shen Wei’s fingers around the handkerchief, and lets go of his hand. “You can go home if you want, Xiao Wei. The sun has set.” He tries to hop down from the branch, but Shen Wei’s hand closes around his arm with surprising strength.

“Please.” Shen Wei whispers quietly in the gathering dusk. “Can I stay with you? Ye Zun’s away, and I don’t want to be alone in the Dreaming.” It takes Kun Lun a while to respond. He should say no. He should pull away. He should let Shen Wei’s heart remain safe in Ye Zun’s keeping. He should forget everything he saw, everything that had happened today. But he finds himself unable to do all of the above, as he settles himself back down against the branch, beckoning Shen Wei closer.

Da Qing finds them together like that. Shen Wei in Kun Lun’s arms, his face half-buried against Kun Lun’s chest and arms wrapped tight around him. Kun Lun, his hand gentle on the back of Shen Wei’s neck, holding him steady and secure. Watching his face as he sleeps, and Kun Lun looks up when he feels Da Qing’s glowing gaze on them.

Da Qing says nothing, just gives them one last look before darting away. Kun Lun lets out an unsteady exhale, gathers Shen Wei tighter against him. His lips brushing gently against the top of his younger brother’s head as he sleeps trustingly in Kun Lun’s arms.

 

 ---

Shen Wei works.

He’s alone. Ye Zun has been called away by Destiny – likely to pay attention to his neglected office. Shen Wei more than understands. Desire has his duties. He had never relished them even when they were young, and in truth Shen Wei has been reminding him – not particularly subtly – that he has his responsibilities to attend to apart from Shen Wei.

Ye Zun had scowled at him in response. So darkly that Shen Wei had felt the absurd urge to warn him about that ancient superstition about an ill wind freezing your features into a permanent frown. He’d felt guilt twinging as Ye Zun flounced off, but truthfully, he’s grateful to be alone. Ye Zun’s hovering had been close to driving him mad.  

But even though Shen Wei is grateful to by himself for once, the library is too empty, too vast. During the early days, it had been small enough to manage by himself – clay tablets and carved bones at first, detailing the legends of a people, cloth and wood and other such materials, and then the invention of paper and ink had caused an explosion of works that Shen Wei had been busy sorting before he was taken. Shen Wei sighs as he finds a collection of bamboo scrolls. The ink has faded badly, but it’s still legible. A nameless scholar’s unfinished treatise on fantastical plants. He turns them over in his hands, wonders which shelf to put them in.

“You know,” He hears Kun Lun’s voice. “A lot of work can be done faster if you’re not alone.” Shen Wei promptly drops the bamboo scrolls he’d been holding. Shen Wei stares at them for a moment, chest pounding before kneeling down and scrabbling for them as fast as he can.

“I’m sorry.” He says, the  words stilted and strained. His hands shake as he inspects the scrolls for damage, and then he stiffens, because Kun Lun is kneeling in front of him too, helping him gather the fallen scrolls.

“They’re fine.” Kun Lun says. He sets down two bags – one made of some light, opaque material, the other of brown paper on the ground. Kun Lun gathers the scrolls up, hands them back to Shen Wei’s numb hands. As Shen Wei stares at him blankly, he rubs the back of his neck.

“Sorry about that.” Kun Lun says after the silence stretches on. “That was stupid of me. I shouldn’t have startled you.” Shen Wei tries to smile as he stuffs the scrolls into the nearest shelf, resolving to categorize them later. Provided he ever finds them again.

“It was my fault, Ge. I wasn’t paying attention.” He drops his gaze when he sees the worry flashing through Kun Lun’s eyes again, a lump rising in his throat as painful as the relief that his older brother is here, with him. He turns away, busying himself with several sheets of painted silk he finds lying on the floor. Wishing he could do something to make the messy piles of books and dust disappear, his hands shaking as he tries to push his long hair out of his face, brushing the dust off his robes. What does Kun Lun possibly think of him now-

“What is it that you need?” Shen Wei asks, voice slightly wild in an attempt to distract himself. “Is there something I can help you with?” Good luck trying to find whatever book Kun Lun needs in the piles surrounding him, but that’s a problem for later. “I’m sorry, everything’s such a mess, it might take a while to find-“ He freezes when he feels Kun Lun’s hands settling on his shoulders, gently but forcibly turning him around.

“Actually…” Kun Lun says. “I’m not here for a book. Or for the library.” His mouth smiling but his eyes… Shen Wei ‘s gaze skitters away, his own eyes burning, but in spite of himself he can feel his short, sharp breaths deepening and easing the longer Kun Lun holds him. He takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of Kun Lun’s hands steady him. Shen Wei’s eyes prickle at their warmth. He wants to step forwards, closer as much as he wants to jerk away.

Somehow he masters himself, regains control. He forces himself to look up, face heating up at the scrutiny in his older brother’s gaze. Kun Lun watches him closely for a few moments before giving his shoulders a squeeze.

 “…I’m here to bring you lunch.” He finally says. He lets go of one shoulder, and lifts one of the bags up. Shen Wei sees that it contains a couple of small boxes made of thick paper, along with several round red fruits and a packet of dried fish. At Shen Wei’s look of pure incredulity, Kun Lun shrugs a bit helplessly, a sheepish smile playing across his mouth.

“Destruction asked me to give you the fruit. Said it tastes almost like your favorites back in the day. She’s gotten good at controlling her realm, managed to recreate a lot of her favourite plants. Yours, too.” He hands the fruit to Shen Wei. It’s small and red, its skin waxy. Its scent is rich and sweet as Shen Wei holds it up to his nose.

“She says it's thanks to everything you've ever taught her." Kun Lun says quietly. His eyes are soft, and Shen Wei avoids meeting it, distracting himself from the confused churning in his gut by inhaling the fruit’s rich scent. Kun Lun pulls the paper bag to them. 

“Be careful, it’s really juicy. You probably won’t want to open it here.” Kun Lun says. He holds the paper bag up so Shen Wei can see its contents. It’s full of books, of all things, along with a small glass bottle full of a clear, light gold liquid.

"The books are from Delight.” Kun Lun snorts fainty, rolling his eyes in fond exasperation. “Trust the kid to give you more books when you’re at work rebuilding the _library_ of every book of existence, but he insisted so you won’t have to sift through the whole lot.  They’re pretty good, to be fair. History and science, mathematics and literature. The stuff you missed out on. The wine-“ He points at the bottle. “Is from Despair. Considering what she is, apparently she gets a steady supply of the good stuff from who-knows-where. This one isn’t very strong, practically just lemonade, so it won’t knock you out. Da Qing sent you some dried fish but honestly that’s probably just him wanting some reserves for when he visits. The take-out. Well, that’s my treat.” Kun Lun grins, and Shen Wei is silent as he stares at his siblings’ gifts.

“You didn’t have to.” He says quietly, his chest twisting. Then he starts as he feels Kun Lun’s hand covering his. The look in his eyes is almost solemn. _Still soft,_ Shen Wei sees. This time, though his face colors, he doesn’t look away.

“Let’s eat somewhere else.” Kun Lun says. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your books. Remember when you almost kicked me out of your realm for feeding Xiao Guo candy here?” At that, Shen Wei gives a snort.

“You gave him a bag of cakes and set him loose in the fairy tales section _without_ telling him the cakes had cream in them.” Shen Wei rebukes him. Xiao Guo had been teary-eyed and apologetic after the whole debacle. He’d been munching on the cakes and hadn’t noticed the filling dripping down on the book he was reading. In his panic the child ended up smearing it across the page, smearing the _illustration_ on the page, accidentally tearing it, then somehow knocking over an entire row of shelves when sobbing, he went looking for Shen Wei to apologize. Shen Wei had soothed him, taking the book and fixing it with a wave of his hand while glaring at a slightly stunned Kun Lun into holding back his laughter.

The memory makes him smile in spite of himself. It feels odd on his face, after so long without, and it fades just as quickly when he catches Kun Lun staring. He returns the fruit into its bag, looking at  everything but Kun Lun. “There isn’t anywhere we can eat here. Everything’s dried out, and the sand…” Shen Wei’s voice shakes, and Kun Lun gives his hand a squeeze.

“I know a place.” He says. Shen Wei falls silent. When he doesn’t pull away, Kun Lun laces their fingers together, gives his hand a tug. Somehow, when the world melts around them and his feet touch soft grass, he is not surprised.

The pine forest is just as ominously silent as ever, but even their chill gloom feels like _home_ as Shen Wei takes his first trembling step into Kun Lun’s old realm after two millennia. He hangs back a moment, staring at the grey sky and the surrounding mountains. Memories crashing into him and it _hurts_ to breathe -

Then Kun Lun gives his hand a squeeze, and he can move again.

“There’s something I want to show you.” He says. And Shen Wei, as always, is helpless to do anything but follow. The grass crunches soft under their feet, the grey mist coop against his skin, and with his hand in Kun Lun’s, Shen Wei can pretend, for a moment, that the past two thousand years had never happened. That he’s young again, at the cusp of the creation, and Kun Lun is leading him home.

Them they stop, and Shen Wei is unable to hold back his gasp when he sees where Kun Lun has brought him. What Kun Lun had wanted to _show_ him.

“It started growing everywhere, and I let it.” Kun Lun shrugs, but Shen Wei is already stumbling forwards. His eyes wide as he takes in the sight of dark green leaves and glowing white flowers festooning what’s left of a house made of bamboo.

“I thought it had died along with the others.” Shen Wei whispers, cupping one flower between his hands and inhaling its scent. It’s just as sweet as he remembers, and for a moment he thinks he feels his amber pendant glow warm. He feels Kun Lun’s shoulder brushing against his, his fingers lifting the tightly-clasped petals of a small bud, then letting it rest against the leaf it’s coiled against. He shivers, lifts his gaze up to meet Kun Lun’s. Kun Lun is smiling. His eyes are wet.  

“It’s the only thing that grows – really grows – here.” Kun Lun says. He gives Shen Wei’s hand a squeeze, and by how tightly he’s clasping it Shen Wei realizes he’s not about to let go anytime soon. “Everyday, when you were gone… Everyday, I would check it. Make sure it’s still growing. I couldn’t even bring myself to take a few cuttings to 4 Guangming, I was so scared I might injure it and it wouldn’t recover.” Shen Wei looks down at the flower in his hands. His chest feels like iron bands are being squeezed around it, and it only tightens when Kun Lun  releases his hand, then wraps his arm around his shoulders, his side pressed against his.

“Sometimes,” Kun Lun says. “Ye Zun would come here. He and I actually travelled together for a while, looking for you. It’s how we got your tools back.” Shen Wei opens his mouth. Part of him wanting to ask how did _that_ particular excursion go and how had they not ended the world yet, but nothing comes out around the painful lump in his throat. The painful memory of Kun Lun leaving him, of being trapped. Of finding himself home.

“Xiao Wei?” Kun Lun’s voice is gentle. Shen Wei closes his mouth again, and the hand holding the flower shakes as he lowers his fingers. Kun Lun does not drop his arm. The weight and warmth of him both strange and familiar as Shen Wei breathes, does not pull away.

“Come on,” Shen Wei finally manages to say out loud. “Let’s eat.” He tries to smile, and Kun Lun doesn’t let go of him as he ducks his head, starts opening the boxes. The warmth of his arm a coccoon around Shen Wei as they start to eat.


	3. Chapter 3

The universe continues. Destiny walks, and Dream and Desire lead humans onwards and upwards into becoming more. Destruction treads lightly, and the world changes in her wake, and amidst the cracks left by her steps another one emerges.

“Delight,” Shen Wei says, smiling gently at the child clinging to his hand. Ye Zun scowls at the newcomer, and the child shrinks behind Shen Wei. Shen Wei gives his twin a reproving glare, and Ye Zun’s scowl darkens. But as Shen Wei gently pushes the child forwards, he squares his shoulders, and trembling, their new sibling tells them his name.

“Xiao Guo,” He and Kun Lun are in Shen Wei’s library. It has grown. From ox bones and clay tablets to scrolls and books made of leaves and wood and paper, crushed and sewn together. Shen Wei had taken a leatherbound book with blank pages and given it to Xiao Guo, telling him to write everything that made him happy there. So far the boy was still in the library, studiously filling up a page. He’s already filled two, so far. He’d startled and messed up a word when Kun Lun had entered the library, but at Shen Wei’s gentle hand on his shoulder he’d given his older brother a hurried bow. Kun Lun had looked at him, his expression inscrutable but soft. Shen Wei remembers that look on his face, thousands of years ago, on a riverbank and a sky awash with dawn.

“Try going out.” Kun Lun tells Xiao Guo, “There’s a lot more fun stuff to look at around the Dreaming. If you stay here you’ll be stuck in here for the next century, at least.” Xiao Guo had glanced nervously at Shen Wei, and Shen Wei had given him an encouraging smile. The door closes softly behind him as he obeys. Kun Lun watches him, frowning.

“That kid’s scared of his own shadow.” Kun Lun remarks. Shen Wei pours him a cup of tea. He accepts it, bringing it to his lips, and Shen Wei tries not to stare at his lips. His want for Kun Lun has only sharpened to a gnawing hunger throughout the millennia, one that he’s learned to stifle as best as he can before it consumes him whole.

“He’s just a child.” He says quietly. Kun Lun’s frown deepens.

“It won’t be good to encourage that.” He says severely. “You need to find a solution. Our family has many enemies, we can’t have one of us folding like wet paper because he’s afraid.” Shen Wei sets down the teapot, clenches his hands in his lap.

“I understand, Ge.” He says quietly. He does not look Kun Lun in the face. He doesn’t want to see the disappointment he knows he’ll find there.

“Ye Zun and I were scared, too, when we were young.” Shen Wei says in the sudden silence. “Luckily we had you to lead us. I promise I shall do the same for Xiao Guo.” He makes a move to stand up, and then Kun Lun reaches out, grasps Shen Wei by the wrist.

“I apologize,” Kun Lun says. “I did not mean to say I doubt your ability to train him.” Shen Wei swallows. Kun Lun’s skin burns against his. He lifts his gaze up, tries not to blush at the intense look on Kun Lun’s face.

“You taught Destruction and Despair well.” Kun Lun says, his voice turning gentle. “I fully expect you to do the same for the little one.” Shen Wei nods.

“Yes, Ge.” He says softly. Kun Lun scrutinizes him a little more. He hasn’t dropped Shen Wei’s wrist. Shen Wei doesn’t want him to let go.

“Tomorrow,” Kun Lun says, “After Delight’s rested up a bit, we’ll take him to the waking world. It’s the New Year, he’s going to like seeing the fireworks.” His eyes crinkle as he smiles. “They’re one of the most beautiful ideas you’ve given humanity.” Shen Wei really does blush this time.

“It never came from me. They dreamed it themselves.” Shen Wei says. Kun Lun’s still smiling faintly when he lets go of Shen Wei, his fingers trailing against Shen Wei’s palm, and Shen Wei has to make a conscious effort not to curl his hand around his.

They talk for a little more about what's going on in the human world, and then Kun Lun takes his leave. Shen Wei is lost in thought and in the quiet ache in his chest, the empty _want_ raging beneath his skin, until Xiao Guo tentatively nudges his arm, hands him the already filled-up book.

“Why do you let him treat you like this, Ge?” Ye Zun asks him later. He’s spooning his twin from behind. Shen Wei can feel him bristling, and he closes his hand over his. Soothing him.

“Please don’t be angry at Kun Lun-ge,” Shen Wei says softly. “He’s right. Xiao Guo has to be brave.”  Ye Zun swears. He pushes himself up, drags Shen Wei along so that he’s facing him. Then he places both of his hands on either side of Shen Wei’s shoulders, and gives him a good _shake._

“Didi!” Shen Wei gasps. Ye Zun lets go of Shen Wei, leaving him slightly dizzy and indignant. He’s gripped him so hard that he left white indents on Shen Wei’s shoulders.

“You deserve it,” His twin spits out. “And Kun Lun has deserved a hundred thousand painful slaps from the very moment we met him.” Shen Wei is silent. Ye Zun’s voice goes even sharper.

 “Gege, you deserve better than the scraps he gives you.” He holds Shen Wei’s face in his hands. “And you deserve better than thinking you do. And I wish it was within my power to get you to fall out of love with him, because someday, I know it’ll destroy you.” He looks at Shen Wei like he’s waiting for Shen Wei to say something, to agree. And Shen Wei opens his mouth but there are no words in his throat, none at all.

Shen Wei keeps his silence, and Ye Zun’s face twists.He hugs his twin close to him, and Shen Wei buries his face against his shoulder, closes his eyes.

 

\----

After that, Kun Lun comes to the library every day. Shen Wei looks up from some roughly drawn-out blueprints he’d made of what the library’s new layout should be to find Kun Lun slipping beside him. He’s brought more food. At Shen Wei’s slightly bewildered expression, Ye Zun rolls his eyes.

“Eat with him, Gege.” Ye Zun says. Slightly grudging, slightly resentful. He slips away before Shen Wei can make a grab for his arm and beg him to stay with his eyes, but not before giving Kun Lun a pointed look. Shen Wei hesitates, and Kun Lun holds back, watching him closely.

“If you don’t want to, Xiao Wei…” but Shen Wei shakes his head. They’re in Kun Lun’s old realm again, under the canopy of flowers. Shen Wei’s holding onto his box of takeout so hard he’s creasing the cardboard, and he’s fairly certain the wooden chopsticks will leave bruises on the side of his fingers.

“Surely you must be busy.” Shen Wei says hesitantly, refusing to meet Kun Lun’s eyes. His hands feel cold. He can only eat a few mouthfuls of his rice and chicken without feeling slightly ill, there are so many more spices in it than he’s used to. The way Kun Lun is looking at him doesn’t help matters either.

“I’ve learned that some things are more important than my job.” Kun Lun says, the words light. SHen Wei glances down. Those are not words he ever expected Kun Lun to say, and his throat tightens.

 They say nothing else for the rest of the meal. Kun Lun takes his hand when they’re done eating. He almost lets go at Shen Wei’s startled glance, but then Shen Wei’s fingers tighten around his almost of their own accord.

Kun Lun stares at him, silent, and Shen Wei blushes. He does not look at him until they’ve finished cleaning up the boxes and utensils. Neither does he let go until they’ve returned to the Dreaming.

 Shen Wei expects Kun Lun to leave right after, but Kun Lun dawdles for a bit, hands in his pocket, looking awkward and slightly out of place. Shen Wei does not think he’s ever seen his older brother look so uncertain before. Before he can think better of it, he blurts out.

“Would you like to help?” He bites down hard on his tongue. But Kun Lun’s face lights up in a way that makes Shen Wei’s guts twist in guilt.

“Yeah. I would love to.” He says. Shen Wei stares at him for a moment longer before showing him to a pile and bidding him to make an inventory as best as he can. When Ye Zun returns, the two of them are working in silence. When Kun Lun finally takes his leave, he presses his thumb against Shen Wei’s wrist for a moment, tells him he’ll be back the next day. Shen Wei watches him until he’s disappeared, the echo of his touch warm against his skin.

“Did you have a good time?” Ye Zun asks later, when they’re curled up in bed. Shen Wei’s head is resting on his shoulder while his younger twin is stroking his hair. Shen Wei is too keyed-up and tense to answer.

 “It was all right.” He finally says. “We accomplished a lot today.” Ye Zun shifts away a little, cups Shen Wei’s cheek in his palm and tilts his face up to his.

“He wasn’t a jerk?” Ye Zun asks. Shen Wei shakes his head. He’s thinking of the silence when he was with Kun Lun. How strained and uncomfortable it was, pretending not to notice Kun Lun watching him, how he always kept close to his side.  How much he didn’t want Kun Lun to leave, even so, the warmth of his skin a balm whenever Shen Wei brushes against it.  

“That’s good.” Ye Zun says. Before Shen Wei can think fo a reply, Ye Zun grabs his chin and gives him a hard kiss. It’s over just as fast, and before Shen Wei can catch his breath his twin has pulled back, eyes lidded.

“Didi,” Shen Wei whispers. “What does he want?” Ye Zun tucks his hair behind his ear.

“Ask him yourself.” He says simply. “But I think it’s obvious what it is.” Shen Wei’s brow furrows in bewilderment,  and Ye Zun sighs, strokes his cheek. They cling to each other tightly. Shen Wei sleeping little and when he jerks awake it’s to Ye Zun’s dark gaze watching him.

Kun Lun visits the next day. And the day after that. Days fold into weeks. Kun Lun simply helps out without criticism or false compliments, remaining close to Shen Wei’s side at all times. He also brings Shen Wei and Ye Zun lunch. Most of the time Ye Zun disappears into the ether after grabbing his food,  so Shen Wei more often than not finds himself spending his mealtimes with Kun Lun in his old realm.

He remembers they used to eat together like this, before. Usually in the Dreaming, where Shen Wei could easily conjure whatever confection Kun Lun was craving. Food did not interest Ye Zun much (and neither could he be persuaded to share a table with Kun Lun), but  from time to time he would describe a particularly tasty morsel he’d tried in the human world and get Shen Wei to recreate it. It had given him satisfaction, then – a practice he had learned from mortals, to ply those he cared about with filling meals. Now, Kun Lun seems intent on indulging _him._ The food Kun Lun gets him seems to be from everywhere, ranging from things Shen Wei dimly remembers enjoying millennia ago, to new flavors that he’s only persuaded to try with a great deal of caution.

As Shen Wei takes slow, careful bites, Kun Lun fills the air with idle chatter. Describing the places where be bought their meal,t the history of the dish, the history of the place where he got that dish. Shen Wei listening quietly and taking note of what he missed in the two thousand years he was gone. And of the differences those same years had wrought on his older brother.   

 As Kun Lun talks about everything and nothing, and Shen Wei lets his voice wash over him.Gradually, he relaxes,  speaking little but watching. Shen Wei remembers that Kun Lun’s expression had always been serious and almost disdainful before, to the point that Xiao Guo had been afraid to approach him without Shen Wei’s gentle urging. Shen Wei had treasured every rare smile he would receive from his older brother.  Now, Kun Lun always makes it a point to smile at Shen Wei. Soft and warm, and his eyes – so tired now, even more than before – hold a gentle light that makes Shen Wei’s face redden when he forces himself to look back.

He tries to bury himself in work, but Kun Lun is there, too. And he is always touching Shen Wei. Their shoulders brushing together as they work in silence. Shen Wei’s hand cradled in Kun Lun’s as they eat. Kun Lun,making it a point to stay close to Shen Wei’s side, so Shen Wei can feel the heat coming off his body against his skin. His warmth grounding Shen Wei, reminding him of past days when Kun Lun would guide him through thick forests and crowded cities, of quiet, drowsy afternoons where he would drift off with his head against Kun Lun’s shoulder or lap, fingers drifting through his hair while Shen Wei savoured the sense of _home_.

It’s with a little hesitation that Shen Wei reaches for the books Xiao Guo had given him one day. Lifting the topmost book – a condensed tome of the history of mankind and studying it for a moment before walking towards Kun Lun, who’s just arrived with lunch. Kun Lun smiles when he sees him. Shen Wei lets out a breath and shows him the book.

“When I first returned, I asked you to tell me what happened to the world in my absence.” Shen Wei says quietly. “ Can you tell me about the rest?” Kun Lun takes the book slowly from him, and nods. Settles Shen Wei under the canopy of flowers in his old realm, and begins.

Much of it is the same. Empires rising and falling, people finding new ways to destroy each other and dying, always dying. The same old themes and refrains even from more than two thousand years ago. But there are new things. New art, new thoughts, new inventions, new dreams. Shen Wei listens with rapt attention. Asking hesitant questions, and Kun Lun answers them with a patience that Shen Wei doesn’t even remember from their first days. Sometimes when he can’t describe it adequately, he takes Shen Wei’s hand and shows him.

 It’s like before, but it’s not, and Shen Wei is left feeling wrong-footed, uncertain. Sets him on edge with waiting, no matter how gentle Kun Lun is.  And then the next month finds Kun Lun with more food and a request.

“Delight and the rest told me they want to come help out.” Kun Lun says. “But I said that depends on you.” Shen Wei hesitates.

“What do you think, Gege?” But Kun Lun shakes his head.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Xiao Wei.” He says. “Only that.” Shen Wei hesitates.

“They’re busy, Gege.” He says quietly. He places the books he’s holding on the shelf. “So are you and Ye Zun, and I’ve encroached on enough of your time.” Kun Lun makes a noise of frustration.

“Xiao Wei, if you keep up with the pace you’re at the universe will have ended before you’re halfway done with reorganization.” Kun Lun says bluntly, and Shen Wei flinches like he’s been struck. Kun Lun curses.

“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that-“ But Shen Wei’s already turned away from Kun Lun, busying himself with a shelf.

“Of course.” He says. “Of course you’re right. I’m too weak to do this alone.” Shen Wei says. His voice shakes, as do his hands. “Tell them if they have time they can help out whenever they wish.” His eyes sting, his face burning with shame. And then he freezes, because Kun Lun has gently turned him around to face him. His hands warm on Shen Wei’s face as he sighs, leaning their foreheads together.

“Xiao Wei, I’m sorry.” He says. His voice is very quiet. Shen Wei’s hands twitch at his sides. He stares at Kun Lun mutely, and Kun Lun looks at him for a moment longer before – still gently, like Shen Wei’s made of delicate porcelain – wraps him fully in his arms, and Sheb Wei goes stiff with surprise.

“I’m sorry.” Kun Lun says against Shen Wei’s hair. Shen Wei can feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest, and he shivers a little. Kun Lun cups the back of his head with his thumb, stroking Shen Wei’s neck with his thumb. “A lot of the things I want to tell you don’t come out the way they should.” Shen Wei’s still in his arms, but after a moment he lifts his head. A shadow of a smile flits across Kun Lun’s face as he chucks Shen Wei beneath the chin with his fingers.

“We want to help you not because we don’t think you can do it, or you’re going too slow. We just don’t want you to be alone.”  He says, voice raw and tender. “It’s not your duties that we – that I - care about. It’s _you_.” Shen Wei is silent. He’s trembling in Kun Lun’s grip, and Kun Lun stares at him for a long moment before taking him into his arms again. And Shen Wei remembers distant memories of Kun Lun holding him. Cradling him in his arms when he thinks Shen Wei is asleep, stroking his hair. Holding his hand and teaching him all he knows.

“We just want you to be all right.” Kun Lun whispers against the top of his head. Shen Wei breathes out. He is quiet, unable to speak. Unable to _believe,_ really, everything he’s heard. Even with Kun Lun holding him. He remembers thinking when he was younger that he would never be lost with Kun Lun’s hand guiding him, tries as hard as he can to reach for that feeling now.

“When will our brothers and sisters come?” Is what Shen Wei finally manages to ask, his voice small and lost against Kun Lun’s shoulder. Kun Lun runs his fingers down the back of his neck, answers him.

 ----

Shen Wei teaches Delight all he knows. He takes him not just to the Dreaming, but to the waking world. Conjuring flowers for him, brightly-colored insects that make Delight  shrink back, then giggle when they tickle his nose. In the waking world, he buys him sweets, takes him to the stars sparkling at the top of mountains, performers dancing in festivals and plays being performed in busy marketplaces.

Ye Zun watches it all with a lot of eye-rolling. The child himself isn’t very interesting to him – the only reason he’s not amusing himself by making Delight’s life a misery are the downright terrifying glares Shen Wei sends his way whenever he says something just the slightest bit out of line. And since Ye Zun doesn’t want to be stuck in a nightmare until he swallows his pride and apologizes, he doesn’t do it. Much.

Kun Lun, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. Ye Zun had been annoyed and slightly hurt that Shen Wei isn’t warning Kun Lun away from the little twerp the same way. But then again, the strange thing was that he wasn’t doing anything. He wasn’t dragging Delight into battlefields or into villages full of people dying of starvation and disease like he did with Shen Wei. He just. Follows them. For all the world like the depictions artists have painted of him ever since mankind realized all that fucking and eating and sleeping lead to the same inevitable end.

Delight remains in terrified awe of their older brother, but Shen Wei’s smiles when he sees Kun Lun don’t curdle or turn sour. They remain warm, tender, and when Kun Lun returns them, Shen Wei colors prettily as he welcomes him to spend the day together. Which Kun Lun does, with such a softness in his gaze that Ye Zun’s honestly bewildered why Shen Wei doesn’t _see_ it. That Kun Lun is like this with no one else but him.

And so, confronted by this frankly startling change in attitude, Ye Zun goes off to talk to Kun Lun. Alone.

“Are you playing house now with Wei-gege and the twerp, or are you waiting for the opportune moment to traumatize the poor child into submission to you?” Ye Zun drawls by way of greeting. He’d made sure to be dressed in Shen Wei’s simple black robes, his hair darkened, so he can see how Kun Lun’s eyes light up at the sight of him – only to fade into a scowl when he realizes he isn’t, in fact, Shen Wei.

“Go away, Ye Zun.” Kun Lun says. “Isn’t there a prince somewhere you’ll have to persuade into running away with someone else’s queen?”  Ye Zun shrugs. He walks to Kun Lun, his hips swaying lightly in the way he knows should be irresistible. But Kun Lun never looks at anyone like he’s about to eat them up unless it’s Shen Wei.

“Paris has run away with Helen.” Ye Zun says breezily. “Expect to be very, very busy within the next ten years, you know how gods get with their playthings.” He leans up, strokes Kun Lun’s bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, grinning when Kun Lun pushes his hand away with a look of disgust. Ye Zun grins, leans forwards to breathe into Kun Lun’s ear.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if Shen Wei were the one to do this.” He takes a step back before Kun Lun can shove him away, laughing.

“Ye Zun,” Kun Lun grits out. “What do you want?” Ye Zun shrugs.

“Just curious why you haven’t done anything dreadful to the twerp.” Ye Zun says. “You’ve spent enough time with them. I remember Shen Wei crying his eyes out after you took him to his first battle. I wonder why you haven’t done the same to this one.”

Kun Lun is silent. “Delight’s responsibilities are different.” He says. “Xiao – Shen Wei needed to know both brutality and beauty to understand the worth of his realm. Delight just needs to understand the value of joy.” Ye Zun clucks his tongue, tilting his head.

“I’d have thought that forcing the child to learn misery would be the best way to teach him to value happiness. It was effective enough with Shen Wei, from what I observed.” He delights in Kun Lun’s flinch, presses down on the perceived wound.

“Or do you want Shen Wei to think better of you?” When Kun Lun remains silent, Ye Zun crows. “Is this your way of apologizing for something you’ll never be able to undo? How _sweet_.”

“Ye Zun,” Kun Lun says tiredly. “What do you want?” Ye Zun’s lips curl.

“Just wondering why you haven’t told Gege how much you want him, is all.” Ye Zun smiles. “You’ve had ample opportunity throughout the millennia. He’s not exactly pure as driven snow anymore. You saw me fucking him.” He feels triumph when Kun Lun’s fists clench in jealousy, feels the same clench his gut.

“Who Shen Wei decides to take on as a lover is none of my concern.” Kun Lun says steadily. Ye Zun smiles, as sweetly as Shen Wei.

“You can’t lie to me, Kun Lun. You heard him when we were together. And I know what’s in your heart.” He places his palm over Kun Lun’s chest, and Kun Lun stiffens.

“Your jealousy’s curdled in you long enough..” He pulls away. Kun Lun doesn’t move. His eyes are narrowed, but Ye Zun knows just what a dangerous game he’s playing here.

You don’t play games with Death without ensuring you’ll be the victor.

“I suppose you would know all about jealousy.” Kun Lun says. Ye Zun’s smile turns feral. Furious.

“Shen Wei-gege loves me like he loves this world. I already have him in every way I want him, and he knows I belong to him the same way.” He says, taking a step closer. “But you? You he _worships_. And you can’t stand that, because you know perfectly well how you broke him.”

Kun Lun’s jaw is gritted. Standing this close, Ye Zun feels his skin prickling. Like he’s in the maws of a deadly creature and that at any time they’re about to snap and tear him apart. But still he prods, pokes, stings.

“You don’t think you deserve to be loved by him, do you?” Ye Zun asks. “It’s why you haven’t said a word in all these years. You’re trying to make up for things with Delight as a substitute, but you know there’s no undoing the hurt you’ve caused. The hurt you’re still causing, up till now.” His voice rises, sharp.

Kun Lun does not speak for a very long time. When he finally does, his voice is dangerously soft.

 “Leave, Ye Zun.” Ye Zun knows better than to disobey. 

That night, Ye Zun fucks Shen Wei when he returns. Ye Zun feels a frisson of warm pleasure lance down him when he sees his twin stepping into his bedchambers. They don’t speak as Ye Zun takes Shen Wei into his arms, undressing him and laying him down on his bed. Climbing on top of him, but when they kiss Ye Zun can feel the thoughts darting like silver fish in his brother’s mind.

He breaks the kiss, feeling Shen Wei’s breath brush against his face as he tries to chase his lips. Lays a finger against them.

“Thinking of him again.” He murmurs. Guilt flashes through Shen Wei’s dark eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. Ye Zun kisses him, to show he’s forgiven. Normally he doesn’t mind his lovers thinking of others when they’re fucking, but this is Kun Lun they’re talking about, and Kun Lun doesn’t _deserve_ Shen Wei.

“Sshhhhh.” He trails kisses down Shen Wei’s chest. “I understand. Just don’t lie to yourself – or me - about it.” He doesn’t tell Shen Wei to stop thinking of Kun Lun, from experience that’ll result in the opposite. Shen Wei groans, his hands tangling in Ye Zun’s hair.

“I wish I weren’t thinking about him when I’m with you. He looks at me, and I wish-“ He lets out a soft breath when Ye Zun spreads his legs.

“Be quiet.” Ye Zun whispers. He mouths kisses against the insides of Shen Wei’s thighs. “You’re in love with him, there’s no helping it. So don’t think. Just tell me what you want from me, Ge. I’ll give it to you.” Shen Wei shudders, gasps as Ye Zun takes him into his mouth.

“I want you inside me.” Shen Wei pants. Ye Zun rolls his eyes yet once again, but this time in affection, swirling his tongue around the tip of Shen Wei’s cock before pulling away.

“Like last time, and the time after that.” His twin always did prefer the comfort of someone he loved filling him up, making him whole.  He leans down to kiss Shen Wei, and Shen Wei sighs against his mouth. They neither of them speak any more that night. Ye Zun fucking Shen Wei slow and gentle, exactly the way he likes. Watching Shen Wei’s scattered thoughts, love for Ye Zun and longing for Kun Lun blending and melding together, like waves crashing along the surf.

Shen Wei falls asleep after he comes with Ye Zun’s name on his lips, Kun Lun’s in the back of his mind. Ye Zun watches him for a moment, hair spilled out on his pillow and fingers curled almost childishly beside his head,  his and Ye Zun’s come dripping between his legs. The perfect picture of temptation. Ye Zun leans down , brushing his lips against his forehead to smooth away the frown marring the perfect skin. He’s about to conjure a basin of rosewater and a washcloth when he feels a presence tug at him.

His lips curl. Kun Lun is standing so still that he looks carved out of a mountain range. His expression is just as hard. But his gaze  on Shen Wei, naked and fast asleep in Ye Zun’s bed, is molten. Unmistakeable. Ye Zun knows himself well enough after all, to see what it is on their older brother’s face. 

 _How long,_ Ye Zun wonders, _have you been watching_? Kun Lun tears his gaze away from Shen Wei, to Ye Zun.

“I didn’t know you had company.” Ye Zun shrugs.

“Wei-gege’s not company.” He says. A muscle in Kun Lun’s jaw twitches, and Ye Zun crows. Kun Lun is barely stopping himself from seething. Ye Zun smirks at him, not even bothering to hide his glee.

“Considering our conversation yesterday,” Ye Zun says silkily. “You should have expected that at any time after I might be… occupied.”

He leans down, brushes his mouth against Shen Wei’s forehead when he sees him beginning to stir. Smirking wider when Kun Lun’s face becomes even stonier. Shen Wei blinks drowsy, soft eyes at Ye Zun, stretching – displaying his white flank, his nipples pebbled with cold – Ye Zun had kicked the blanket off the bed -and reaching up almost absently to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. And then he notices Kun Lun.

“Ge,” he starts, face flaming red, sitting up and frantically trying to cover himself like a newly-ravished maiden and Ye Zun snickers. His arms winding around Shen Wei, allowing him to tuck himself against his side to preserve his modesty. Shen Wei looks up, almost like he’s about to apologize, but he falls silent at the flinty look on Kun Lun’s face. All that burning want, snuffed out like a fire in the snow whenever Shen Wei looks at him. Ye Zun resists the urge to sigh.

“Gege-“ Shen Wei whispers again, but Kun Lun’s already turned away, his shoulders stiff.

“Da Qing’s calling for a meeting. Clean yourselves up as quickly as you can, it’s an emergency.” He disappears, leaving the two of them alone. And Ye Zun would laugh, but Shen Wei’s breaths are short and panicked. He only calms down when Ye Zun kisses him, and Ye Zun hates their older brother for a lot of things, but most of all for the quiet shame in his twin’s eyes as he buries his face against Ye Zun’s shoulder.

\---

Their siblings arrive. Shen Wei brings out his planned layout for the new library during their first meeting. Self-conscious and more than a little apologetic, gaining slow strength when he speaks and his siblings listen to him.

Kun Lun stays beside him. From time to time Shen Wei feels like he’s about to take his hand, especially when Shen Wei falters, but he always pulls himself together. Forces himself not to reach for him, pulling his hand away when he catches Kun Lun about to do the same. Guilt flaring inside him, for the disappointment in Kun Lun’s expression and the badly-hidden jealousy in Ye Zun’s. Wanting the sensation of Kun Lun’s hand in his, his fingers gentle on the back of his neck and running through his hair. But no. He can’t. His older brother doesn’t need this additional burden.

(The memory of Death turning away from him always strengthens his resolve somewhat. Desire watches him silently. He avoids Death’s gaze, his mouth twisting, but when Dream asks for him he’s always there. At night, Dream holds onto him tightly, and Desire asks no questions, offers no words of comfort. He just lets himself be there, and Dream is more grateful than all the words in existence can express.)

They work. Ge Lan brings pretty, sturdy woods and marble from her realm for the bookshelves and interiors. Zhu Hong brings glass, smirking faintly at Ye Zun’s sheer frustration on how to work the materials given him. Xiao Guo and his dog are put in charge of cleaning the library (no sibling wants to trust him with anything more than dusting and sweeping, with his propensity to attract well-meaning disasters). Destiny lounges around giving orders and eating dried fish. From time to time Ye Zun hides his book from him in vengeance, and the rest of the siblings stop their work in order to watch the two chasing each other throughout the library.

Shen Wei, Ye Zun, and Kun Lun set themselves to work organizing the shelves. Shen Wei’s tidy mind comes up with the plans, and Kun Lun makes sure the others are on track. Ye Zun sticks close beside his twin, brushing close to him when he begins to feel him falter. When doubt starts creeping in.

Slowly, Shen Wei remembers how to smile around his siblings. The first time Destiny gives chase to Ye Zun, he bursts out laughing, so hard that his cheeks and belly hurt. It isn’t until he catches the way Kun Lun is grinning at him -eyes crinkled at the corners and shining - that he realizes it has been millennia since he’s laughed like this.

They can’t all drop by to help all the time – Shen Wei had insisted that they prioritize their responsibilities first, giving a pointed look to Destiny who would enforce it if no one else could. But Ye Zun and Kun Lun stay, most of the time. Ye Zun sticks close to his twin, just as he’s always done since they woke up on the banks of a river, dreaming and wanting and neither of them quite able to tell where one ended and the other began.

As for Kun Lun… Shen Wei hasn’t spoken to him yet. Not since that conversation. When they’re alone, he disappears behind bookshelves and hidden corners of the library until Ye Zun seeks him out.  When Kun Lun speaks to him, it’s only with immense difficulty that he can look him in the eye. And he cannot stop Kun Lun’s words from echoing in his head – or himself, from remembering Kun Lun when he turned away from him, two thousand years ago.

Every now and then he catches Ye Zun and Kun Lun having what appears to be a silent conversation behind his back, but Ye Zun never answers him when Shen Wei asks him what they discussed. 

And then Kun Lun drops by in the Dreaming one morning, earlier than usual.  

“I just wanted to remind you that I won’t be able to be here tomorrow. It’s my day off.” Kun Lun says, looking directly at Shen Wei. Shen Wei stares at him blankly for a moment, not comprehending. And then. _Oh._

The one day in the century that Kun Lun doesn’t have to be Death. Where he could be a mortal, with only a mortal’s responsibilities.

In the past, Kun Lun had always insisted Shen Wei spend the day with him to understand how precious mortal lives and dreams are. Now, Kun Lun’s staring at him, expression so terribly hopeful. Shen Wei’s about to make an excuse over there being too much work for him to abandon when Ye Zun answers Kun Lun for him.

“He’s going.” Ye Zun says. Firm and booking no room for argument. Shen Wei stares at him, absolutely betrayed, and Ye Zun ignores him, giving Kun Lun a pointed look over his twin’s head.

Which is how Shen Wei finds himself in Dragon City, at 4 Guangming Avenue. The absolute last place he wants to be.

Walking on solid ground after all the sand in the Dreaming makes Shen Wei a little landsick. He waits, standing by the window, watching Dragon City traffic inch by at a crawl. He has to stop himself from turning tail and leaving, hiding in the quiet isolation of the Dreaming. Ye Zun would just root him out, then punt him out, and frankly Shen Wei’s pride has taken enough of a beating these two millennia to survive his twin kicking him out of his own realm.

He hears a quiet step behind him. The clink of heels on a wooden floor. He turns to see Zhu Hong looking at him, her arms crossed.

“Hong’er?” Shen Wei says, surprised. The corner of Zhu Hong’s mouth lifts in greeting. Shen Wei’s youngest sister walks over towards him.

“No, I’m not hanging out with the two of you today.” She answers his question before he even asks it.  “I’m a frequent enough visitor around these parts.” Shen Wei is silent. He looks away, out of the window.

“Why did Kun Lun choose this place to house his realm?” He asks, trying to change the subject. Zhu Hong takes a step closer.

“He wanted to be closer to the humans in his charge.” She replies. She glances at Shen Wei. “Also I think he was lonely. So was Desire, but Death isn’t like him. He needs people, but mortals don’t exactly welcome him, and there’s only so much time you can spend with something who willingly chooses to be a cat without trying to make _bao_ out of him.” Shen Wei wants to laugh as much as he wants to cry.

“He never used to, before I was taken.” Zhu Hong gives him a look.

“He had you.” She says flatly. “That made all the difference.” Shen Wei is silent.

“Look, Ge.” Zhu Hong sighs. “Death spent a _lot_ of fucking time in my realm when you were gone. So did Desire. I know he’s still absolute shit at communication, but he’s trying now.”

“I know.” Shen Wei says softly. And then they hear the clatter of footsteps. The sound of keys being dropped, and swearing. Kun Lun practically jumps down the last few steps of the staircase. He beams when he spots Shen Wei, and something familiar and painfully light eases up the perennial weight in his chest at the sight of Kun Lun’s smile.

“Xiao Wei!” Shen Wei glances behind him to find Zhu Hong has gone. He feels a hand cup his cheek. Warm. Human. Looks up to find Kun Lun’s brown eyes on his. The softness  in them makes him catch his breath. Instinct has him looking away, and Kun Lun lets him. Letting him fixate on the slight indent on the leather collar of his jacket while he keeps the gentle weight of his hand against Shen Wei’s cheek.

Kun Lun breaks the silence after several moments,“You look good,” He says gently, and Shen Wei blushes.

“Didi chose my clothes for me,” He says awkwardly. The shirt, woollen vest, and trousers feel a little strange with how close-fitting they are, used as Shen Wei is to his robes, but they’re comfortable enough. He wills his face not to heat up further  as Kun Lun touches the ends of his newly-shortened hair.

“I asked him for a haircut.” Shen Wei finds himself saying. The weight of it coming off had been more of a relief than he had imagined it would be. He takes a deep breath, trying to quell the gnawing worry when suddenly, absurdly, he remembers how much Kun Lun had loved playing with his hair.

When he finally finds the strength to lift his gaze up, he finds Kun Lun’s expression is quiet with understanding. The knot in his stomach eases at that. More so when Kun Lun strokes gentle fingers over his fringe.

“It suits you.” Kun Lun says, and Shen Wei feels his cheeks heat up so thoroughly that he ends up looking away again. But Kun Lun is smiling, and slowly, Shen Wei realizes he’s smiling too.

“Are you ready?” Kun Lun asks. Shen Wei nods, and Kun Lun slowly takes his hand in his, gives it a squeeze.

\--

It’s a beautiful lazy Sunday in Dragon City. The sun shines bright and the air is sweet with the promise of spring. It’s early enough that there are few people about, but Kun Lun keeps a firm grip on Shen Wei’s hand, their shoulders brushing. He leads him to a quiet corner of the park – a large horsechestnut tree, its blossoms hanging down like delicate curtains of pink and white. Spreads a blanket by the roots, the both of them sitting down.

“The park is really nice.” Kun Lun says. “Have you had breakfast? I prepared us ham and cheese sandwiches.” At Shen Wei’s dubious look, Kun Lun laughs.

“They’re edible, don’t worry. Unlike Destruction, cooking doesn’t militate against my nature. Much, anyway.” Shen Wei has serious doubts about that considering past culinary fiascoes, but he ducks his head rown, smiling  in spite of himself. His cheeks hurt a little with how unused to it he is, and Shen Wei feels a little guilty at how it’s at poor Ge Lan’s expense, no less.

When he glances back up, Kun Lun is staring at him.

“Ge?” Shen Wei asks softly. Now it’s Kun Lun’s turn to look away.

“It’s nothing.” Kun Lun says. Nothing, and everything. He hands Shen Wei his sandwich, and Shen Wei accepts it, his chest aching.

They eat slowly. The  sandwiches are a little squashed from being in Kun Lun’s backpack, but to Shen Wei’s surprise they actually taste good. They speak little, mostly they just sit and watch. Slowly the park fills up with people. Families spending time with each other, lovers, friends screaming and having fun. Their shoulders are pressed together, but Shen Wei doesn’t move away.

Shen Wei breaks the silence. “Everything has changed, yet so little has.” He says.  “It’s strange.”

“I know.” Kun Lun says quietly. Shen Wei feels his cheeks heat with how Kun Lun is looking at him. His hand is very warm as he reaches for Shen Wei’s. And Shen Wei. Lets him.

They move to the riverside when the park becomes too crowded. Kun Lun finds a section of it that’s slightly hidden from view. The current is strong, and Shen Wei can smell the chemicals lacing the water. Still, the sight of it flowing free calms Shen Wei. He climbs down to the edge of the river, takes off his shoes.

“You don’t want to stick your feet in there.” Kun Lun says wryly, but Shen Wei ignores him. The water is murky green, but cold. When Kun Lun wraps his arms around his waist, hesitant, Shen Wei freezes for a moment, and then relaxes.

“I don’t want you to be swept away.” Kun Lun says gently. Shen Wei just barely keeps himself from shivering at the tone of his voice. He avoids Kun Lun’s gaze, lets his feet dangle over the edge, skimming the river’s turbulent surface. Imagining his pain being swept away by the current into the vastness of the ocean beyond them.

Kun Lun’s mortal warmth surrounds him, as does the sunlight. Shen Wei feels his chest ease, and he feels the past bubble out of him. A festering wound suddenly being exposed to the air.

“An aquifer saved me.” Shen Wei finally says. “It was being drained. The ground gave beneath me, and it crumbled the array keeping me trapped.” He falls quiet, breathing hard. But the warmth doesn’t disappear, and neither does the coldness of the water, or Kun Lun’s skin pressed against his. His older brother kisses the side of his head, holding him close, and Shen Wei’s eyes prickle.

“Who did you spend this day with when I wasn’t around?” He finds himself asking, his voice thick. Kun Lun’s grip tightens around his waist. His chin digging gently into Shen Wei’s shoulder.

“Despair, usually.” He answers. “Sometimes Da Qing, if they wanted to prevent me from doing something stupidly drastic. There was one place I hadn’t been able to search yet, you know? And I was so scared that maybe you made your way to the sunless lands without me to guide you. That you were lost and alone.” Shen Wei turns around when he hears Kun Lun’s voice crack. His eyes wide. Kun Lun’s eyes are red. He doesn’t look away from Shen Wei’s gaze.

“Ge…” Kun Lun blinks. He wipes his eyes, forces a smile back on his face.

“Enough about me.” He says. “Enough about the past. It’s over. You’re here now.” But at that Shen Wei turns away, a lump in his throat. Because how could it be over, with the weight of his own uselessness pressing down on him day after day? His powers locked away from him and his realm empty, proof of how the world had left him utterly and completely behind?

“Xiao Wei,” Kun Lun says softly. “Hey. Come back.” At Kun Lun’s coaxing he looks up again. To his horror, his eyes are wet. He can feel Kun Lun’s gaze even though he can’t bring himself to meet it, then he feels soft pressure on his forehead. And he freezes. Kun Lun is cradling his face between his hands. His lips are soft on his forehead, his stubble just the slightest bit scratchy. He pulls away, but he does not let go of Shen Wei’s face.

 “Do you know why I always made sure to spend today with you?” Kun Lun asks. His voice is urgent. Almost sharp. Shen Wei swallows past the lump in his throat. Fingers rising up to grasp Kun Lun’s wrists.  

“You told me I needed to understand mortality.” Shen Wei whispers. He remembers those days. Watching in puzzlement as Kun Lun’s mortal body always wound down by the end of the day, until his breathings had completely stopped. How confused Shen Wei had been at first, stroking his older brother’s cheek and calling for him until Kun Lun returned, bearing the mantle of Death once more as he took Shen Wei’s hand. Ever afterwards, though Shen Wei knew he would be coming back, he could never bring himself to leave, standing vigil over the cooling body until Kun Lun came to take him home.

Kun Lun shakes his head. His voice cracks when he speaks. “That’s what I also told myself. But the truth is I just wanted to spend time with you.” He says. Shen Wei stares at him. His heart pounding, and Kun Lun gives him the weakest, most painful of smiles.

 “I’m so sorry. That’s on me. There are so many things I should have told you.” His mouth brushes against Shen Wei’s cheek, just as gently as he’d kissed his forehead, and Shen Wei’s breath stutters in his throat.

“You have no idea how proud I am. How proud I always have been of you, and everything you’ve been able to do.” The tips of Kun Lun’s fingers are rough against the spot he’d kissed. “Even this. You could have given up and no one – not even me – would have blamed you. You spent two thousand years in the dark _,_ but the moment you came back the first thing you did was set your realm to rights.” Kun Lun breathes out. It’s unsteady as he leans his forehead against Shen Wei’s.

“Ge…” Shen Wei whispers. His hands clutch loosely at Kun Lun’s collar.

“I wish I’d taught you differently.” Kun Lun says. His voice cracks. “Xiao Wei, I’m so sorry. I never should’ve made you think your responsibilities should define you. Ye Zun was right. I hurt you. I hurt you without realizing it and I swear I’ll spend the rest of our existence making things right.” Kun Lun’s eyes are wet. He takes a deep breath, still holding Shen Wei’s face. Shen Wei tries to _breathe,_ but what bursts out of him instead of an exhale is a dry sob.

And all of a sudden it’s too much. Shen Wei struggles free, almost slipping on the wet stones. The only thing he can think of is how to get _away,_ because if he collapses now, in front of Kun Lun-If Shen Wei breaks now and Kun Lun sees him cry - there’s no telling if he can still pull himself together.

“Xiao Wei,” Shen Wei pushes Kun Lun away, breathing hard.

“I need to go-” He says. He does not – cannot look Kun Lun in the eye. The waking world melts away all around him, and he’s back in the Dreaming. In his library. Xiao Guo and Ge Lan are staring at him in surprise.

“Gege?” Xiao Guo asks timidly.  “Aren’t you supposed to be-“ Ge Lan shakes her head, and Lao Chu lets out a low growl, dragging Xiao Guo away by his leash. Ge Lan follows them, poking her head through the door before she turns to go. 

"Call us if you need anything. We'll just be a few shelves away." She closes the library door behind her. When he’s finally alone, only then does Shen Wei allow himself to slide to the floor. Clutching at his knees,  hand pressed against his mouth like he can hold the pain back that way. He doesn’t get up for a long time.

 

\---

 

The meeting takes forever to finish. Something to do with a delegation of fairies and a boon they'd come to collect on. When it’s finally over Kun Lun tries to get out as fast as possible, barely stopping to tell Delight goodbye when the kid waves at him. Ye Zun is smirking faintly. Kun Lun resists the urge to end him right then and there.

Shen Wei still catches up to him.

“Kun Lun-ge,” Kun Lun tries in vain to speed up, but Shen Wei manages to grab his shoulder. Tight.

“Kun Lun-ge, please. Stop.” Shen Wei’s face is flushed from running. His eyes are hectically bright. Kun Lun remembers the way they were shining when he tucked Ye Zun’s hair behind his ear, wrenches his arm away.

Shen Wei’s face crumples for a moment before it smoothes over. Fixes itself into the iron control Kun Lun had instilled in him. At first Kun Lun feels quiet pride, and then he remembers Ye Zun’s words and feels sick.

“Ge. Please, let me explain-“ Kun Lun sighs.

“What is there to explain?” He says, refusing to look at Shen Wei. “You’re free to love whomever you wish. Although perhaps you should tell Ye Zun to have - I don’t know -perhaps an entrance hall, instead of an entrance that leads directly to his bedroom.”

“Ge…” Shen Wei trails off, helpless. His fingers are digging into the silk of Kun Lun’s sleeve. Kun Lun does not think of how cool Shen Wei’s skin would be against his. Kun Lun remembers him smelling of river water, has to resist the urge to tug his arm away as much as he wants to grab Shen Wei, never let him go.

“Ye Zun loves you.” He says, trying to gentle his tone. “He’s told me so himself. He’ll do anything for you. That much I’m certain of. What have you to explain to me? I want you to be happy.” But Shen Wei still doesn’t let go. 

“You knew about us.” Shen Wei says quietly. It’s not a question. Kun Lun grits his jaw.

“Who doesn’t know?” Kun Lun says. That’s not entirely a lie, Da Qing certainly did, and he’s actually fairly certain the others either suspect or simply don’t wish to bring it up. But Shen Wei does not let go. He tightens his grip, and Kun Lun winces at how his sharp nails pierce through the silk.

“How did you find out, Ge?” Shen Wei asks. His voice is cold snow, sharp steel. His grip is iron, and Kun Lun knows this is when he should snap. Slam Shen Wei against him, ravage that soft mouth with his. Take him into his arms and burn away Ye Zun’s touch with his own. But he knows if he does this there’s no going back.

 _I saw, that first time. I heard you. I know._ Kun Lun wrenches his arm away from Shen Wei’s. “I will see you tomorrow, Xiao Wei.” He says. Before he makes for his realm he hears a small voice behind him.

“Ge, I love you.” He freezes, his heart pounding. It takes all his willpower not to look back. To not answer.

“We will talk later.” Is all he says. He does not glance behind him, at Shen Wei’s form, looking so many times smaller, collapsed in on himself, something inside him fundamentally broken at Kun Lun’s rejection. Kun Lun’s throat stings and his eyes burn but he does not go back, does not wrap Shen Wei into his arms and tells him he feels the same way.

He leaves Shen Wei behind, shivering and alone. This is the last Kun Lun sees of him for two thousand years.

 

\--

Ye Zun’s sprawled in bed, relaxing after a wild day with the few surviving maenads – it’s not just Kun Lun who deserves a day off, and he firmly steers his thoughts away from what the two must be doing now – when Shen Wei enters his realm.

Ye Zun blinks at his twin. “Where,” he says slowly. “are your shoes.” More importantly, where the _hell_ is Kun Lun. Shen Wei always used to stay with Kun Lun until his “death” so to speak. But the haggard look on Shen Wei’s face silences whatever other questions Ye Zun has. He opens his arms, and his twin practically dives into his them.

“What did he do this time?” Ye Zun asks, stifling a sigh. Shen Wei shakes his head.

“Not now,” he whispers. “I’m too tired to talk.” Ye Zun scratches lightly at his scalp. He does not mention how he can feel Shen Wei’s longing for Kun Lun like a hot brand, pressed against his heart.

“Did he put his foot in his mouth again?” Ye Zun had actually slapped their older brother for what he’d told Shen Wei the last time – out of Shen Wei’s sight, of course. The resounding _thwack_ of it and the sight of Kun Lun’s head snapping to the side had been poor satisfaction for the utter wreck Shen Wei had been left as, _again._ But Shen Wei just sighs.

“Didi. Just stop.” He says. And so Ye Zun obeys.

Shen Wei nods off in Ye Zun’s arms, Ye Zun mouthing kisses down Shen Wei’s throat until he dozes off, then hooking a leg over his, keeping him cocooned in the protective cage of his arms. Ye Zun watches his twin’s peaceful face for a moment, then lifts his gaze up.

Kun Lun – immortal again-  takes a step towards the twins. He freezes when Shen Wei sighs, stirs. Ye Zun soothes him back into sleep with a kiss to his hair. He keeps his gaze trained on Kun Lun. Ye Zun has had temples built to him. Has had gods destroy worlds for his smile, or even just his scornful gaze. None of it comes close to the look on their older brother’s face as he watches Shen Wei sleep.

 “Go on,” Ye Zun whispers before he can think better of it. “Touch him.”  Kun Lun stares at him, and Ye Zun sighs. Sharing Shen Wei with _Kun Lun_ of all people was not something he would ever have considered for any length of time two thousand years ago, but times change.

Times change, and people along with them.

“Go _on,_ ” Ye Zun snaps as quietly as possible. “He wants you. Come here before I change my mind.” Kun Lun’s throat bobs. Soundless as his being, he steps closer, sinking to his knees by the twins’ bed. His hand hovering just a moment and Ye Zun makes a soft sound of impatience, tugs his hand closer and places it against the curve of Shen Wei’s hip.

Shen Wei makes a soft sound, and Ye Zun watches Kun Lun’s other hand go to his hair. His fingers sinking in the black silky locks, repetitive and gentle and slow. Shen Wei shifts in Ye Zun’s arms.

“Ge?”  He whispers. He stills when Kun Lun presses a kiss against his temple, then sighs. Relaxes.  

“Your gege is here.” Kun Lun murmurs, and this time Ye Zun can’t help it. He rolls his eyes at the raw longing in their older brother’s voice. With an impatient huff, he tugs Kun Lun forwards by the wrist.

“There’s enough space for you on the bed.” Ye Zun says, quietly so Shen Wei does not wake. “Hold him. He likes that.” At first he thinks Kun Lun’s going to chicken out and leave, and if that’s so then Ye Zun really will wake Shen Wei and possibly knock their mouths together for them – something he honestly should have done earlier  to spare himself from all that _pining_ if only Kun Lun had been less of a dick - But gingerly, slowly, Kun Lun moves forwards. Lies down on his side on the slightly too-narrow strip of bed, so that Shen Wei is tucked between the two of them.

 Ye Zun notes, to his satisfaction, that Kun Lun slips his arms around Shen Wei without any prompting, spooning him from behind. The corners of Shen Wei’s lips twitch up, and Ye Zun sinks back against his pillows with a sigh.

“He loves being held.” He murmurs. His eyes slip shut. “Now go sleep. We’re both tired.” He lets the darkness behind his eyelids take him.

Ye Zun wakes before Shen Wei the next morning. Kun Lun has gone, and Ye Zun has to keep himself from rolling his eyes when Shen Wei opens his eyes and looks behind him, confused and yearning.

“He was here last night.” Ye Zun says lightly. “He held you while you slept. He always does, every night. He leaves before you wake up.” Shen Wei falls still, his face flaming red with realization that their older brother had been sharing their bed. Ye Zun just rolls his eyes at the sight of it, and the half-hearted glare Shen Wei sends him.

“I suggest you try to talk to each other before one of you gets locked up for two thousand years. Again.” Then he kicks Shen Wei off his bed, snickering softly at Shen Wei's indignant squawk.

"And wash your feet before you climb back into bed." Ye Zun mumbles, burrowing his face against his pillow.  

 ----

 

When Kun Lun arrives in the Dreaming, Shen Wei is not there. His servants say their master had gone to the shifting zones late yesterday. They have not seen him since.

Kun Lun pitches tent in the great grey waste of the desert. Around him, winds howl. The sun fades and night washes the sky with stars. By the dawn of the following day, Shen Wei has not appeared in Kun Lun’s tent. Kun Lun pours out the wine he’d prepared for both of them and leaves.

He cannot quell the unease in his chest. He tells himself that it’s best that Shen Wei takes the time off to think. Some things can’t be rushed into headlong.

(He ignores the quit niggling thoughts that Dream has been waiting for millennia now.)

He goes to work. Guiding souls out from the mortal plane and into the place even they cannot follow. He finds himself glancing over his shoulder, as if expecting a slight figure robed in black to be following him. The unease sharpens when he finds no one. 

 _Gege, I love you_. Kun Lun returns to the Dreaming. Shen Wei has not been back. Delight is waiting in the library, holding his notebook in his hands and swinging his feet under the too-tall chair.

 “Where is Shen Wei-gege?” He asks Kun Lun. “He promised he would teach me calligraphy.” Kun Lun stares at him for a moment, then he turns back without answering. 

Ye Zun’s realm – the temple of his body - is empty. Kun Lun searches it, amidst the phantasms of copulating couples and sumptuous feasts. Blood running down the floors of the lowest levels, shouting for Ye Zun’s name. When Ye Zun finally appears, he’s dishevelled. His face is white.

“Where is he?” he asks Kun Lun without preamble. Kun Lun stares at him numbly, icy dread gripping his heart.

“He isn’t with you?” He asks. Ye Zun shakes his head.

“No.” His voice is very small, and very young. “I can’t find him anywhere. Something’s wrong.” Kun Lun stares at him, at his reddened eyes. His quivering lip, like he’s stopping himself from crying.

Destiny is holding his book in his hands, his grip white-knuckled when Kun Lun and Ye Zun tear into his garden.

“He didn’t go out of his own volition. He was taken.” Destiny says before Kun Lun has even opened his mouth, voice empty and eyes distant. His milky-blind eyes turn to Kun Lun.They’re glassy with unshed tears. “You should have told him you loved him when you had the chance.”

Da Qing speaks no further words as Ye Zun screams at him, taking out his knife, or when Kun Lun finally breaks. He just stares unseeing at his book, its worn pages fluttering in the wind as Kun Lun fists his hands into his collar and shatters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks once more to the discord crew for encouraging this, and to fangirlishness and ExtraPenguin for going over the whole work for typos [will correct tomorrow, and THANK YOU.]


	4. Chapter 4

 

In the Garden of Forking Paths, it is always _now._ As Shen Wei watches, his younger self sleeps in Kun Lun’s arms. Kun Lun’s touch is gentle still as he traces Shen Wei’s features. And Shen Wei holds his breath in his throat, because the expression on Kun Lun’s face is the same one he sees now, whenever Kun Lun looks at him.

“He’s always looked at you like that.” Shen Wei glances behind him to find Destiny, sitting on top of his book and washing himself in a patch of sunshine. Shen Wei glances at the leather tome. It is even more weathered now than when he remembered it, the bindings warped and cracked, the pages themselves several inches thicker. That book told of all the fates of every living thing in the universe. Destiny is not allowed to utter a word of it to anyone.

“He just made sure you weren’t looking when he did.” Destiny lowers his paw, his blind eyes turned towards his younger brother. Shen Wei has no answer to that. The vision melts away, and Shen Wei and his eldest brother are alone.

“It’s been a while since you were here.” Destiny says “Remember when Desire would hide here all the time from Death?”  Shen Wei cracks a smile.

“You were very easy to bribe with dried fish.” He remarks, Destiny snorts, stretches out in the sun.

“I’ve done my fair share of sibling-wrangling. You think Desire was bad? Death took millennia off of my existence when he was younger.” He leaps up to the ledge of a wall so that he’s on eye-level with Shen Wei. Shen Wei finds himself unable to look away from those glowing, milky-blind eyes.

“Maybe I should have intervened more, though.” Destiny says after a bit.  “Maybe none of this would have happened if there had been someone apart from Desire telling Death not to be such a jerk.” This time, Shen Wei glances down.

“It’s not your fault, _Ge._ ” Shen Wei says. Destiny shakes his head.

“What happened to you was allour fault.” Destiny says. And Shen Wei wants to protest but Destiny raises a paw to silence him.

“Did you know Death took my book from me when you went missing?” Destiny asks. Shen Wei’s eyes widen as another vision appears in the Garden, just a few feet away. Ye Zun, screaming and held back by Despair as he tries to lunge at Destiny with the knife Shen Wei had made him. Kun Lun, standing stock still as a statue. Then Ye Zun drops the knife, and he grabs it. Before anyone else can react, Kun Lun’s holding it against Destiny's neck. Pressing down hard enough that Destiny bleeds.

As Shen Wei stares, Ye Zun’s eyes echo the same disbelief in his gaze. Then quickly, he grabs Destiny’s book out of his arms. But when he flips the pages open, they’re blank. Only Destiny can read them.

 “Death called me every name  in every language he could remember, after. Nearly went deaf with how loudly he was screaming.” He puts down his paw, flicks his tail as the vision fades. “And then he went and fucked off with Desire for a couple millennia to look for you. A lot of people died in Europe when he was gone. It took me and Despair about five centuries to drag the two of them back.”

Shen Wei tries to think of his older brother, who adhered so closely to his role, abandoning his duties. Threatening their eldest brother and taking his book from him. Trying his best to look after the crumbling Dreaming and extending an olive branch to Ye Zun. Spending his cherished days of mortality with Shen Wei. Everything, done for his sake.

It’s all so hard to believe, yet it’s all true. Shen Wei takes a deep, trambling breath, and  Destiny watches him closely.

“You were a good boy from the get-go, Dream. Death complained all the time, and he was no good at showing it, but I know he loved having you tag along with him. He loved teaching you, too.” Shen Wei decides not to think of it for now. He changes the subject.

“What’s in store for me in your book?” Shen Wei asks Destiny. “What can you tell me about what’s going to happen next?” Destiny blinks at him. A soft breeze sweeps through the garden, bringing with it the scent of saltwater. After a long time, Destiny sighs. He leaps down from his book, walks over to Shen Wei.

“Change.” Destiny says. “That much I can tell you. We all have to change, at some point. We all need to survive. There are things that need to be said out in the open, and all that jazz.” Shen Wei gets on one knee and buries his fingers in the scruff of his older brother’s neck, scratching the skin beneath the thick fur until Destiny is purring quietly.

“I don’t think all of me survived that prison.” Shen Wei says, his voice halting and quiet. “Part of me is still in there. Alone in the dark. I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to get out.” Destiny is quiet, still purring.

“Go take a nap.” Destiny says. “The moss by that tree root is really springy. Go on, you’ve earned it.” Shen Wei finds himself herded to the biggest tree in the garden. He remembers this tree, he thinks as he settles his head down against a moss-covered root, Destiny leaping up onto him and curling up on his belly. It had already been massive when he and Ye Zun were created. Kun Lun had made him watch his first sunset here with him, the two of them watching the day die together and Shen Wei had understood for the first time what his purpose was.  Why wanting to touch the sky was important, even if it was impossible, even if it led to your death.

Shen Wei feels a frisson of sadness for that young boy. Destiny kneads at his stomach with his paws.

 “He loves you, Dream.” Destiny finally says after a long moment. “I don’t have to read my book to know that. It destroyed him when you were gone. I don’t know how he – and Desire - survived it.” Shen Wei is silent. Destiny butts his head against his hand and closes his eyes. Shen Wei follows suit, and all the world fades to black.

When he wakes up it’s to find Destiny’s weight gone from his chest. And then he notices that his head is no longer pillowed on soft grass, but a denim-clad lap, and warm fingers are stroking through his short hair.  Though he knows Kun Lun must have noticed he’s already awake, it’s a while before he looks up. Kun Lun doesn’t stop stroking his hair. When he finally musters the courage to glance upwards, Shen Wei immediately tries to look down and away from the intensity he finds in Kun Lun’s gaze. His older brother’s fingers, gentle on his chin, stop him.

Shen Wei falls still, and Kun Lun leans down, slowly, and brushes his lips against Shen Wei’s forehead. Shen Wei’s eyes burn. He swallows, his throat aching, and Kun Lun leans down again to kiss his temple.

“I love you, Xiao Wei,” Kun Lun whispers.  His voice breaks, and Shen Wei’s breath catches in his throat. He stares, somehow still stunned in spite of everything, and Kun Lun cradles him closer.

“I’m so sorry. I’m going to make it all up to you, I promise.” Shen Wei doesn’t answer, unable to say anything. He buries his face against his older brother’s chest, and the tears escape him all the same.

Ye Zun falls apart.

There’s a stretch of time where none of the other Endless can find him. Kun Lun, dragged away from his own fruitless searching by Da Qing’s summons – the first he’s heeded in about five centuries, after his eldest brother refused to break the rules to disclose Shen Wei’s whereabouts - follows a trail of wrecked monastic orders and covens and finally manages to locate Desire. His younger brother has been systematically tearing apart each and every godly order that might have had a hand in Shen Wei’s disappearance. The fight he and Kun Lun have almost tears down a mountainside around them, and it’s only by the skin of his teeth that Kun Lun manages to drag a beaten Ye Zun back home.

He still struggles all the way, even with his lip split and one eye blackened. Kun Lun feels sick as he dumps him – fettered by a chain woven out of six impossible things, that’s how bad it got– into what’s left of the Dreaming. The Dreaming has started to decay in Shen Wei’s absence, and Kun Lun feels sickened whenever he sees this once-verdant place returning to the dust.

(He does not, cannot think of what this might mean for Dream, he cannot-)

“Let me _go_ , “ Ye Zun snarls against his bonds. His eyes are red and his teeth are bared as he thrashes. “Let me _go_ if you don’t want me _tearing your throat out_ , damn you-“ Kun Lun’s hands shake as he secures the chain further.

“Xiao Wei wouldn’t want you to do any of this.” He says, fighting to keep his voice steady. Ye Zun throws his head back and laughs, an awful shrieking noise.

“Shen Wei-gege only ever did what you wanted him to do.” He spits out. He grits his teeth into a snarl and thrashes against his bonds.“Now because of you he’s _gone_.”

“He’s not dead yet.” Kun Lun snaps. Ye Zun laughs without mirth.

“Is that supposed to comfort me?” He hisses. His face is wet, Kun Lun realizes with a cold weight sinking down in his belly. “Am I supposed to think about what’s being done to him, day in and day out, and be grateful you haven’t found him yet?”His shoulders start to shake in earnest, and Kun Lun is too numb to think, to do anything but unclasp the chain binding his brother and gather him into his arms.

“He’s gone, he’s _gone_. It’s your fault he’s _gone_.” Ye Zun wails and shivers in Kun Lun’s grip. And it shames Kun Lun to remember that he’s never held any of his younger siblings like this. Not to comfort them when they needed it so much. When Shen Wei needed it the most.

“He’s not gone.” Kun Lun whispers, rocking Ye Zun. For all the good that it’ll do. “He’s not dead. I would know it if he were dead.” Ye Zun only cries harder.

“ _Then where is he_?” His face is pale and his eyes are huge with pain and desperation. And like this in Kun Lun’s arms he looks like a child. Like Shen Wei, the last time Kun Lun had seen him. His pain making him so much smaller as Kun Lun turned away from him and left him behind.

“I’m sorry,” Kun Lun whispers, as Ye Zun clings to him and sobs. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know. We’ll make this right. We’ll find him again.” Ye Zun shakes his head.

“I want him back _now_.” Ye Zun whimpers, shatters apart in Kun Lun’s arms. “I want my Gege back.” Kun Lun’s hand shakes as he strokes his younger brother’s hair.

“I know.” He whispers _. I want him back, too. I need to tell him I love him._ His throat stings, and when he feels the sob rise up in him, this time he doesn’t stop it. “I’m so sorry. I know.”

 

\-----

He retires to the Dreaming after his visit with Destiny. Kun Lun had held him until he stopped crying, and after what felt like long hours after. Then he’d taken Shen Wei’s hand, dried his face off using his sleeve, and took him home.

Shen Wei’s library has been mostly restored. Shen Wei had thought Kun Lun would leave – he’d already spent what felt like a full human day with him, after all. But Kun Lun had wordlessly led him by the hand to his quarters. Putting him to bed like he would a human child, then wrapping him in his arms,  pulling the blanket over their shoulders. Watching Shen Wei watch him.

 _He loves you, Dream._ Shen Wei remembers Destiny’s words. _It destroyed him when you were gone._ Shen Wei opens his mouth, closes it again. Kun Lun caresses his face gently, but try as he might the words won’t come out. He’s not even sure what he means to say, and amidst his exhaustion Shen Wei dimly realizes that was the first time he’d ever cried in front of Kun Lun. 

Somehow he must’ve fallen asleep like that – or maybe he’d just stared blankly into space, unseeing and barely aware of time passing- because the next thing he remembers is Kun Lun kissing him on the cheek, whispering _sorry, I have to go._ Shen Wei, still groggy, had forced himself not to cling to Kun Lun – his _gege_ has spent time enough with Shen Wei, after all – but try as he might he couldn’t relax his grip on Kun Lun’s shirt. And then Kun Lun kisses him again. This time very gently on the mouth.

Shen Wei stares at Kun Lun. Kun Lun cups his face between his hands. Kisses him again. Once more on the mouth, then against his temple.

“I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He breathes, and Shen Wei nods. Lets go. When Kun Lun is gone, he holds his hand up to his lips. He’s still doing so when Ye Zun arrives. He takes one look at Shen Wei and arches his eyebrow.

 “Please tell me you finally kissed. “ He says flatly, and Shen Wei flushes out of his daze.

“ _Didi_ _!”_ He says indignantly. Ye Zun smirks, goes over to where Shen Wei’s sitting, lightly pushing him down with his hands and straddling him.

“He sent me here, by the way.” Ye Zun says lightly, and Shen Wei senses his relief. Cupping Shen Wei’s face between his hands and kissing him deep and filthy, in direct counterpoint to Kun Lun’s gentleness. “Didn’t want you to be alone. I was already on my way, anyway.” Shen Wei’s hands settle around his twin’s waist, grateful for the familiar comfort of his Ye Zun’s body against his.

“You’re not jealous?” he asks, and that there is another change that Shen Wei hasn’t expected would leave him so _exhausted,_ every second of the two thousand years weighing on him with how much his siblings have changed without him _._ Ye Zun shrugs.

“I am, but what good will it do to keep you away from each other?” He points out.  “Anyways, you’ve spent two thousand years being alone and miserable. What kind of brother would I be if I kept you away from the person you wanted?” Shen Wei leans their foreheads together.

“Wanting and happiness are two different things.” Shen Wei whispers. Ye Zun is silent. It’s a while before Shen Wei speaks again.

“It’s just.” Shen Wei begins. Ye Zun sighs, butts his forehead lightly against Shen Wei’s.

“What’re you tying yourself in knots over _now?”_ He asks. He can feel Ye Zun’s breath against his lips, cinnamon and cloves. The sweetness of it grounds his reeling thoughts.  

“It’s just. He’s so different.” Shen Wei inhales a shaky breath. “Everything’s so different now.” He  whispers. Ye Zun strokes his thumb over his cheek.

“I know.” Ye Zun says quietly. “I understand. You want something for so long and so desperately and then you suddenly have it, but either he’s changed or you have.” Of course Ye Zun would understand. Shen Wei swallows.

“I don’t know him, _Didi._ ” “He whispers. “I don’t even know myself anymore. I spent so long trying to win his approval, then I learned I had it all along. I love him so much, I always will. But. I just. I don’t know.” Ye Zun kisses his forehead when he shivers.

“Do you want me to tell him to stop?” Ye Zun asks. “I can do that for you. Give you space.” Shen Wei lets out a breath. The hole left by Kun Lun cries out in pain in his absence.

“I think that might be for the best.” He says. He buries his face against his twin’s shoulder, clinging to him. But he knows he’s the only one who’s woken up on the banks of a river, in a strange new universe. 

 

\------

 

Centuries pass. Kun Lun and Ye Zun hear news of a demon wearing a helm made from the skull of a dead god, holding a bag of dream-sand and an amber pendant. Hell almost crumbles from the battle that takes place there, but by the end of it all the brothers have are Shen Wei’s tools. Afterwards Kun Lun returns to streets choked with the dead he failed to collect, and Da Qing screams himself hoarse at the both of them.

Later on, Kun Lun and his sisters grip Ye Zun tight, keeping him from using Shen Wei’s knife on either Da Qing, Kun Lun, or himself. For the second time in his existence, Kun Lun holds onto his younger brother as he cries himself to numb silence. Not letting go of him even when Ye Zun’s tears have dried up and he feebly tries to push Kun Lun away. He gives up after a few half-hearted tries, and they hold each other for a long time.

“Thank you.” Ye Zun says after, refusing to meet his eyes, and for a moment he looks so like Shen Wei that Kun Lun’s chest aches. And then he disappears, off to who-knew where, and Kun Lun is left alone.

Everyday, Kun Lun sits by the flowers Shen Wei created for him. Even when the memories become too much and he leaves his realm, his hands aching for the texture of soft silken hair and the sight of large eyes and a sweet smile.

 _Where are you?_ He wonders. Fingers lightly touching the petals. Watching them glow bright with their soft light.

 _Come back to me, please. Come back home_. He brushes his lips against them, and if only he had gods to pray to he would wish that Shen Wei could feel his kiss, wherever he is.

One time, Delight and the dog Destruction had given him follows him into his realm. When Kun Lun looks up, the little boy puts a leatherbound notebook on his lap.

“It’s for you.” He says. His back straightens when Kun Lun looks up. “It’s like the notebook Shen Wei-gege gave me. “

“What’s it for?” Kun Lun manages to rasp. Delight shifts on his feet.

“For Shen Wei-gege.” Delight says. “Da Qing-gege says you you want to talk to him, but can’t. Maybe you can write everything you want down in there, and Shen Wei-gege can read it when he comes back.” Delight says. And Kun Lun wants to laugh as much as he sobs. But he pulls himself together. His youngest brother doesn’t deserve to have Kun Lun fall apart on him.

“Thanks, Xiao Guo.” He says. “Delight beams, but his smile fades just as fast. He pets the head of the dog beside him. The dog – Lao Chu, Kun Lun remembers his name - stares unblinking at Kun Lun.

“Why do we have to lose people?” Delight whispers, and Kun Lun remembers a similar conversation he had, years ago, with another young boy. He smiles at Delight, painfully. Leaning over to chuck him under the chin.

“Because we need to understand.” Kun Lun says. _Because loving is loss._ “We need to understand why it hurts so damn much. It keeps up from losing ourselves in what we are.” Delight sniffles. Lao Chu’s tail wags, and he licks at Kun Lun’s hand, whines, and Kun Lun wraps his arm around Delight’s shoulders as he takes him back to his realm. He stays for as long as Delight needs him.

He remembers what he tells Delight for a long time, after. Keeps it in mind whenever he leads someone away into the sunless lands. When they scream and plead with him, he calms them down. When they rage and grieve, he gives them his family’s story, shows them he understands.

Sometimes, he asks to send them a message. The few who come back tell him they never find their intended recipient. He grants them their little wishes anyway. A few stolen moments, a clutch of hoarded time. Little messages of love and remembrance from the lips of the dead whispered into still-living ears.

Later, Destruction pays him a visit. She’s holding a basket of fruit, and she watches Kun Lun as he fiddles with the cover of Xiao Guo’s notebook.

“Hong’er gave him the idea, I think.” His sister says, handing him what appears to be a persimmon but nearly makes him gag with its ravaging sourness when he takes a bite. “She mentioned seeing a young girl writing in a notebook the things that made her sad so they would make her less so, and Xiao Guo ran with it.” Kun Lun’s lip twitches. He flips the notebook closed.

“Delight’s a good kid.” He says. _Shen Wei taught him well._ “But when Shen Wei comes back,” Kun Lun sighs, setting the journal –and the piece of fruit - aside. “I’m going to be telling him everything I feel in person.”  _Everything I held back. Everything I kept in. Everything I never told him._  His eyes sting. Destruction is quiet.  She offers no false words of comfort, and Kun Lun’s grateful for it.

 

Kun Lun’s in 4 Guangming, taking a smoke break on the rooftop of what he’d wryly come to consider as the family home, when Ye Zun arrives, thinking of the look on Shen Wei’s face when he’d left him. Kun Lun hadn’t wanted to do so, frankly would never leave Shen Wei’s side if he could at all help it. But from the way Shen Wei wouldn’t meet his eyes and did not speak, Kun Lun figures there’s someone else he needs more. So he’d summoned Ye Zun and left to wait until Shen Wei’s ready to see him again.

“Shen Wei-gege’s fine.” Ye Zun says when Kun Lun hurries over to him. “He just doesn’t want to see you.” Ye Zun tells him. Kun Lun inhales.

“What did he say?” Kun Lun asks. It still comes out sharper, more hurt than intended. Ye Zun sits heavily on the chair opposite his.  He holds his hand out, and Kun Lun hands him a cigarette, which he lights with a snap of his fingers.

“He says he doesn’t know you anymore.” Ye Zun says before taking a drag. “Doesn’t even know himself right now – honestly, can you blame him? Two thousand years in that hole, with nothing but his doubts and self-loathing chewing at him. I’m surprised he came out of it sane.” His voice turns harsh with blame. Kun Lun doesn’t try to defend himself. He takes the last drag of his cigarette, letting the ash crumble between his fingers.

 _That’s my fault._ Kun Lun thinks sickly. _All of it. It’s my fault. I should’ve protected him._ Ye Zun looks at him quietly. Kun Lun doesn’t bother trying to protect his thoughts from him.

“What else did he say?” Kun Lun asks. Ye Zun shakes his head, breathing out smoke.

“Nothing else, but he looks like hell.” He stubs his cigarette out on the ashtray. “Xiao Guo’s with him now, helping him with the library. I don’t want to leave him alone, he looks like he might do something drastic.” He glances up at Kun Lun. “You sense it too, don’t you. He’s not fucking all right, and none of us know how to fix it.”

Shen Wei’s silent tears. The way he looked at Kun Lun after he’d finally quieted down in his arms. His eyes, when Kun Lun had kissed him. The conflict in them, the doubt.  The way he simply. Doesn’t believe how much he’s cherished by the people who matter the most to him. Kun Lun pinches the bridge of his nose, guilt roiling inside him. Wanting nothing more than to turn back time, to make things right.

“He still loves you, Ge.” Ye Zun says gently. Once he probably would have withheld that information out of protectiveness mingled with no small amount of malice. Now Kun Lun looks at him, and sees the pity on his face. Once that would have galled him too, but now it just leaves nothing but regret, and self-recrimination. “But he needs time.” Kun Lun lets out a breath. It’s a while before he speaks.

“Is there a way to get him to fall out of love with me?” he asks quietly. His whole being rebels at the thought, at the loss, but he forces himself to say it. Let him rip his own heart out if he has to. Shen Wei shouldn’t have to go through any more pain on his account. But Ye Zun snorts, shakes his head.

“Not without tearing the whole fabric of his existence. He’s been in love with you from the moment he met you.” There’s bitterness there, in Ye Zun’s tone. “He built himself according to what you wanted from him, destroyed himself for your sake. There’s no ripping out love like that without tearing apart the person, too. The only thing you can do is move forward, try to not fuck up anymore, and wait.”

“How do I fix my mistakes, then?” Kun Lun asks. Ye Zun shrugs.

“I have no fucking idea. I’m not even sure you can. But,” he falls silent for a moment, then stubs out his cigarette over the railing. The smoke curls into Shen Wei’s face, then fades. Ye Zun looks at it for a moment before turning towards Kun Lun.

“I’ll try to help.”

Kun Lun exists.

Years pass. He still searches for Shen Wei whenever he hears news – less and less of it once the decades have collapsed into centuries. Eventually Kun Lun has scoured the known world and brought death to all manner of creatures. But the one entity he searches for is forever hidden from him.

He speaks little to Da Qing, not after the incident in his Garden. During a day when he’s mortal, he somehow manages to avoid Despair mother-henning him and celebrates by getting piss-proper drunk. When he’s on his twelfth tankard of whatever-the-hell swill he’s managed to choke down, he thinks he sees a vision of Shen Wei, approaching him. He stands up, lurching forwards, but the wine he’d been drinking had gone to his head, and he promptly blacks out. He wakes up to a bucket of water being poured out on top of him.

“I’m not what you want.” Ye Zun says, voice dull but without any real venom in it, while Kun Lun gags and chokes. It’s a while before he speaks.

“We’re not what either of us want.” He says. Ye Zun actually cracks a smile at that, and Kun Lun remembers how they’d clung to each other, lost in the agony of their grief. He reaches over, hesitant, gives Ye Zun’s shoulder a light squeeze. Ye Zun does not reciprocate, but he doesn’t move away either.

He stays by Kun Lun’s side until his mortal shell expires. When Kun Lun resumes his role as Death, Ye Zun has gone, returned to his own search just like Kun Lun has. They neither of them speak of this again.

\---

 

Shen Wei works.

He works in the Dreaming, where he barely sees anyone but Ye Zun. His siblings try to keep him company but he withdraws. They have their duties. He doesn’t want to burden them any more than he already has.

He spends much of his time in the library. Much of the rooms in the palace are things beyond him to repair, but the library has at least been newly refurbished with his siblings’ help. He pushes down the twinge of guilty gratitude in his belly, focusing instead on the long task of sorting and organizing the piles and piles of stories that have been written and dreamed about since the dawn of consciousness.

It’s a daunting task. Probably it’ll take him the end of this world. But Shen Wei finds he doesn’t mind. It’s something he can keep busy with. Something useful he can do. Xiao Guo helps him sort books per language, real and constructed, his nose running and his eyes red from the dust.  Ye Zun helps him organize, brings him tools that Shen Wei hasn’t the energy to create himself (though he still doesn’t understand how the computer’s supposed to work.) Ge Lan drops by with fruits and vegetables and  her infatmous inedible stews, Da Qing wanders in for belly rubs and naps in non-dusty places.

Kun Lun is not there. “He’ll be here when you want him to be here.” Ye Zun tells Shen Wei, running his hand along his spine. “And not before then. But Gege,” he says, voice gentler than Shen Wei’s ever heard him when speaking about their older brother. “He _really_ wants to be here. More than anything else he’s ever wanted in his whole existence.”

Shen Wei hadn’t replied to that. Aching for Kun Lun so much that it feels like an open wound, but he closes his eyes, buries his face against his twin’s shoulder and quells it. Drowns himself in work, and when he’s exhausted himself he drags himself off to his chambers. Most of the time Ye Zun is there, to cradle him in his arms and help him sleep. When Shen Wei musters the courage to ask him if Kun Lun comes when he’s asleep, Ye Zun just gives him a look.

“What do you think?” he asks flatly. Shen Wei doesn’t answer, but that night he wakes up shivering, calming down when he smells the scent of snow and bamboo, feels Ye Zun’s hand in his. He relaxes against the fingers he can feel running through his hair, sighing when he feels the hesitant, gentle kiss against his cheek. Kun Lun’s short stubble tickling his skin as he slips back into sleep.

In the morning he wakes up with his mind clear. Ye Zun’s holding a small pot between his hands. Shen Wei’s heart stutters when he sees the dark leaves and the pearl-white flower, illuminating the room with its own light.

“For you.” Ye Zun says, as Shen Wei stares. “Kun Lun said if it grows in his realm, why not here?” Shen Wei’s fingers brush against the snowy petals, he has to stop the tears from spilling over. They keep it in the coolest, darkest corner of the library. Shen Wei finds himself returning to it, over and over. His older brother’s presence and his love wrapped up in one little flower, and it shouldn’t matter so much but it does.

One time he and Ye Zun try to have sex. Shen Wei responds to Ye Zun’s warm kisses, his hands trying to relearn his twin’s skin. But he can’t. He’s too numb to feel anything but the cold in that cage., even when Ye Zun touches him and tries to soothe the hurt away. They curl around each other, and Ye Zun holds him as tightly as he can as he cries silently against his shoulder, wondering if he’ll ever get better.

Ye Zun never leaves until Shen Wei’s woken up. Often shivering, the black dreamless space of his mind reminding him too much of the dark room, the glass cage. But one time Ye Zun can’t stay because of pressing duties, and neither can Xiao Guo because of the same. Shen Wei strictly tells them to bother neither Destiny nor their sisters, tells them he can handle being alone. Reluctantly, they do, and for the first time since after his first return to the Dreaming after getting out of prison, Shen Wei is truly left alone.

He sighs, in relief as much as trepidation. It’s the first time he’s had real quiet in the Dreaming since getting out. Ye Zun is beloved and Xiao Guo is a darling -his siblings are all trying to help in their own way, but Shen Wei has spent two thousand years alone in the dark, and he’s tired. So he’s guiltily grateful as he starts to sort and catalogue the books in the poetry pile, dividing those in now-dead languages from translations, compilations that were never written, and things that would be created in the future. But the longer Shen Wei works the quieter things seem to get. He rustles the pages as he works, sets down the books with a great deal more noise and violence than he should, but it’s not enough to break the silence that has wrapped around the Dreaming, wrapped around Shen Wei since his siblings’ departure.

Wrapping around him like the dark. Shen Wei stops. Pauses. Takes a deep breath. Resumes working. But the longer he works, the more his hands shake. The more the silence prickles at him. His breath comes in short and sharp. The titles he writes on the catalogue are barely legible. And then when he drops one book and picks it up, he finds it pages have gone blank. Shen Wei stares, and the edges of the book – of all the books – have started to crumble into grains of sand.

The pages are dissolving into sand between his fingers. Shen Wei stares helplessly, but with him unable to use his amber pendant all the books have started to dissolve. He scrabbles for them, tries to use the scraps of his powers to keep his siblings’ hard work from going to waste. But even with the strength draining out of him it’s not enough. The sand quivers in his hands and lie dead.

“-Wei! Xiao Wei!” Shen Wei doesn’t feel the strong arms wrapping around him from behind. Or the tears dripping down his face, the power flooding out of him. All he can think of are the books, dissolving into sand. And then he hears Kun Lun’s voice, threaded tightly with fear and power.

“Xiao Wei, _enough_ _!”_ Instinct at hearing his older brother’s command is what has Shen Wei stopping. He lets out a breath, something in him snapping, and the books collapse into sand. Small dunes filling the library, spilling out of the shelves, cascading into small piles at Shen Wei and Kun Lun’s feet.

Shen Wei stares at the mess in horror and heartbreak. At all the time lost, the work of his siblings left undone. He feels a sob rising up in his throat, and he tries to stifle it, because Kun Lun is here, and he can’t let Kun Lun see what a mess he’s become, how weak, how utterly, pathetically useless-

“Xiao Wei!” Kun Lun’s voice breaks. Shen Wei bites hard on his lip to silence himself blood flooding his mouth along with the salt of his tears. Stopping the useless words spilling out of him and crumpling into himself, and Kun Lun catches him. Scooping him up into his arms as Shen Wei starts to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Shen Wei sobs, face buries between his knees, his shoulders trembling no matter how tightly Kun Lun holds him. “I’m so sorry. I’ve done nothing but fail you, all of you, _I’m so sorry-“_ The words catch in his throat, and he succumbs to a fresh onslaught of tears. Kun Lun holds him tight against his chest.

“It’s all right.” Kun Lun whispers against the top of his head. Rubbing Shen Wei’s back, stroking Shen Wei’s hair as he buries his face against Kun Lun’s chest. “Your _Gege_ is here. It’s all right, let it out. You’re not alone anymore.” Shen Wei cries, harder and harder, until his throat is raw with it.

“I don’t want _you_ here,” Shen Wei gasps, even as his arms wind around Kun Lun, tight, tighter. Clinging to him, desperate and his body wracked by pain that has no end.  “I don’t want you to _see-“_ Kun Lun kisses the top of his head.

“I’m here. I’ll always be here.” His voice breaks as he holds onto Shen Wei tightly, rocking him. Shen Wei crying until his voice gives out, until all the tears flow out of him, drying him up and leaving him empty. Kun Lun keeps Shen Wei wrapped tightly in his arms, until with a shuddering gasp, Shen Wei lets out one final sob, falls still.

\---

 

Kun Lun is in his realm after another exhausting, ultimately pointless search, the silence of the mountains around him an empty chasm. He looks up when he hears footsteps, quelling the disappointment in him when he sees it’s Da Qing, in his human form.

There is a scar on the side of Da Qing’s throat.  Kun Lun feels a twinge of regret, but not as much as he thinks he should. His relationship with his eldest brother has not been the same since that afternoon almost a millennium ago now. Most of the time he regrets it. Other times he’s just numb.

“I’ve found a nice place in the human world.” Da Qing announces. Kun Lun sighs, pats the space beside him, and Da Qing settles down beside Kun Lun with a sigh.

“This is why I prefer being a cat,” he grumbles. “Can’t fucking see or smell anything in this form. Anyways-“ He turns his blind gaze towards Kun Lun.

“It’s on a crossroads in a big city, so news of interesting things goes around. The family can stay there if big things happen.” Kun Lun leans his elbows on his knees, staring out at the mist-shrouded woods.

“We have our own realms.” Kun Lun says, chest twinging at the thought of the crumbling Dreaming. Da Qing scowls at him.

“You never leave yours unless you’re at work or searching for Dream. Usually both.” Da Qing says bluntly. “Desire never returns to his anymore – I’m sure you remember the carnage he caused in the Zhou Emperor’s court when he was pretending to be a fox spirit, and that was just based on rumors he heard that the royal family might be holding Dream captive.” If Da Qing had a tail now, it would be swishing in agitation.  “Death, I know you and Desire miss him-“ Kun Lun flinches, turns his face away. Da Qing continues.

“-But you still have four other siblings, after all. We worry about you, too.” He flows into his cat form and stalks off without looking back.

A few months later, Kun Lun visits what will be 4 Guangming Avenue in the far future for the first time. Delight gives him the grand tour, excitedly pointing out the rooms Da Qing’s reserved for each sibling, as well as the main hall. When their eldest brother arrives, Kun Lun asks him a question. 

“How come Shen Wei doesn’t have his own room?” Da Qing shrugs.

“He’ll be flipping between yours and Desire’s when he comes back.” He says. Kun Lun freezes.

 _“When?”_ he whispers, his voice all cut-up. Da Qing shakes his head.

“Not soon,” he says softly.  “But he will be back.” Then he claps his hands, demands from Delight where he put his dried fish, and Destruction and Despair clatter in with boxes, and even Ye Zun’s here, his eyes shadowed as he moves to stand beside Kun Lun. When Kun Lun swings an awkward, too heavy arm around his shoulder, he doesn’t look too happy about it, but he doesn’t move away, either. And later, when Da Qing leaps up onto Kun Lun’s lap and settles down for a nap, he sinks his hand into his fur, and does not push him away.

\---

Kun Lun does not let go of Shen Wei when he stops crying. He sits with him in the ruins of the library, stroking Shen Wei’s hair and letting him hide against his chest. He doesn’t think Shen Wei’s sobs would ever subside, but eventually they do. He falls still in Kun Lun’s arms, emptied out and hollow.

Kun Lun’s about to lift him in his arms and take him away – anywhere but the devastation of this library, when Shen Wei speaks.

“They were gods.” Shen Wei finally whispers. Kun Lun’s fingers pause for a moment from their stroking. Shen Wei’s expression is distant. He’s shivering again, just the slightest bit, and Kun Lun wraps his arms tighter around him. Shen Wei buries his face against his chest, shoulders quivering. Kun Lun cradles the back of his head in his hand, like he can still protect him from what had already come to pass.  

“Old gods. Forgotten gods.” Shen Wei’s voice is so quiet and muffled that Kun Lun has to strain to hear. “Gods with no more worshippers left. They knew they would be fading soon. They wanted to trap and bargain with you, make their last believers immortal, but they ended up taking me instead. They kept me there even when I said I could not break the rules to help them. And when the last of their worshippers died, they crumbled back into nothing. I was trapped there. Alone.” Kun Lun inhales sharply, reaching up to cradle Shen Wei’s face. To force him to look up.

“Why didn’t you agree to their terms?” Kun Lun asks, angry. “Just to get yourself out? Even if was beyond your powers, it wouldn’t have been for mine.”  Shen Wei just stares at him. It frightens Kun Lun to see how empty his expression is.

“Would you have allowed it?” Shen Wei asks. His voice is dull.

“For you,” Kun Lun says, his voice cracking. “I would have agreed to anything.” Shen Wei slowly shakes his head.

“No, you wouldn’t. Not with the horrors that would have happened had I given in.”  He says. His voice is very quiet and horribly certain, and Kun Lun feels rage and hurt flare white-hot inside of him, because how could Shen Wei have ever thought –

  _But did you ever,_ he hears in Ye Zun’s voice, _give him any reason to believe otherwise?_ Kun Lun’s breath catches in his throat. Shen Wei is crying again, his eyes reddened and wet with tears. Kun Lun wipes at them with his thumbs with infinite care, his eyes burning as well.

It’s too late to think of the _why’s_ and _maybe’s._ Too late to reverse what Shen Wei would have done had he known how much Kun Lun loves him. The only thing Kun Lun can do is move forward. To tell Shen Wei what he would not, could not, two thousand years ago.

“I would have ended the universe.” Kun Lun tells Shen Wei. “If it meant I would have you back in my arms.”

Shen Wei goes very, very still. His eyes are wide, disbelieving, and it hurts, hurts so much to see. Kun Lun tugs him closer. Presses his lips against Shen Wei’s. Two thousand years’ worth of pent-up longing in the gentlest of kisses. Shen Wei inhales, broken and soft, and Kun Lun’s about to pull away when he feels fingers clench tight around the collar of his shirt. Shen Wei’s eyes, dark and desperate and full of pain, closing as Kun Lun carefully, slowly kisses him again. Slipping his tongue between his parted lips and tasting his younger brother for the first time.

It’s slow and it’s awkward and Kun Lun hasn’t done this in a very, very long time. Kun Lun slides their tongues together, and Shen Wei makes a small noise in his throat, opens his mouth wider. Letting Kun Lun explore him. And all Kun Lun wants to do is to keep kissing him, try to take away the pain in any way he can. But there’s something Shen Wei needs to know first.

Kun Lun breaks the kiss, thumbs tenderly grazing the line of Shen Wei’s jaw when Shen Wei makes a small, heartbroken noise, trying to chase his mouth down with his. The way Shen Wei’s breath catches in his throats at least tells Kun Lun that Shen Wei now sees in his eyes everything he used to hide.

“Come with me, Xiao Wei.” He says, soft and rough. He reaches down, takes Shen Wei by the hand, tugging them both up. Lacing their fingers together and bringing and bringing their joined hands to his lips, kissing Shen Wei’s fingertips. Tenderness welling up inside him like blood from a wound when he sees Shen Wei’s cheeks go red, his hand in Kun Lun’s trembling and clutching him tighter.

 In his mind, Kun Lun sends Ye Zun the briefest of messages, explaining what happened and telling him where he and Shen Wei are headed - grateful, so grateful that Ye Zun had warned him Shen Wei would be alone, and that Kun Lun had to watch over him -and now instead of the dilapidated Dreaming they’re in Kun Lun’s realm. The mist licks at their skin. Shen Wei’s hand tucked into Kun Lun’s as Kun Lun guides him forwards, and for a moment Kun Lun feels the world has become young again, and he’s guiding his gentle new brother home.

The flowers Shen Wei created sway in the breeze. Kun Lun inhales their scent. They duck inside the canopy, and Kun Lun bundles Shen Wei into his arms. Holding him close

“I know you don’t believe me.” Kun Lun says gently, resting his cheek against the top of Shen Wei’s head. “You don’t believe any of us when we tell you how much we love you. How glad we are that _you’re_ back, and that we care nothing for your powers, we’re just happy you’re home.” Shen Wei inhales, shuddering like his tears might come again. Kun Lun holds him tightly, but they don’t come. Shen Wei just nuzzles his face against Kun Lun’s shoulder, arms coming up to hold tightly onto him.

“That’s on me. That’s my fault. I should have told you how much I love you from the very start. I should have let you _feel_ it. I was so afraid of hurting you further when I could see that was all I was doing. I didn’t realize I was hurting you worse by not letting you know.”  Kun Lun brushes his lips against Shen Wei’s cheek, and Shen Wei lifts his head up. His eyes are red.

“Gege…” He whispers. Kun Lun leans their foreheads together, throat aching. His own eyes prickle, and he doesn’t stop himself when the tears come. Shen Wei’s hands shaking as he reaches up to wipe at them, and Kun Lun grabs at his hands, kisses his palms.

“It doesn’t matter how long it takes.” Kun Lun says. His voice trembles as Shen Wei’s breath brushes against his lips. “It doesn’t matter how many times I need to say it.” He kisses Shen Wei, and Shen Wei falls still.

“I’m not going to stop telling you how much I love you until you believe me.” Pulling back and cradling Shen Wei’s precious face in his hands. “I’m not going to stop showing it to you until you’re sick of it and Da Qing smacks me upside the head with his book to get me to quit.” Shen Wei laughs, and the sound of it is the purest, sweetest music. He’s laughing, he’s crying, and Kun Lun kisses him again.

“I’m not going to stop telling you how important you are – to me, to our family, hell, to the rest of creation – screw your responsibilities. They don’t matter.” Kun Lun says fiercely. Thumbs stroking over Shen Wei’s cheeks, smearing the tears streaming down there, his eyes wide and luminous as Kun Lun kisses their lids.

“What matters is you’re _back._ What matters is you’re _home.”_  Kun Lun says. And Shen Wei breaks. Clutching at Kun Lun, shaking as he kisses him. Kun Lun’s lips parting as he welcomes Shen Wei in. Lets him take his fill. Two thousand years of pain, over ten thousand years of love and longing. Shen Wei’s kisses taste like salt, like grieving, finally over. Kun Lun knows he’ll spend the rest of his existence ensuring they never taste the same way again.

“Gege, I love you.” Shen Wei says. Kun Lun kisses him again. Tastes him, holds him tight.

“I love you too, Xiao Wei.” Kun Lun breathes. Shen Wei lets out a sob, kisses him again.

\----

A century passes, then another. Kun Lun waits. Empires crumble and dynasties fall. The Endless watch over the foibles of humanity, silent and unseen. As Kun Lun watches humanity dream and rise, he feels a pang. Shen Wei would have loved watching them grow.

 Da Qing speaks no more about Shen Wei’s return, except to tell Kun Lun “You’ll know when.” Kun Lun seethes but at Da Qing’s flat expression – made even more impressive since he’s a cat – he reins himself in. Restrains all his questions and concentrates on his work. Being the Death – and the brother - everyone needs. Sometimes he imagines or witnesses something he wishes he could tell Shen Wei. He takes note of it in Delight’s notebook. He teases the girls when he sees them, yanks at Da Qing’s tail and dangles dried fish just out of reach of his furious paws. When Delight asks questions, he answers them with as much patience as he can muster, guides him when he can. Luckily Lao Chu is every bit the guard dog Destruction had sworn he was, and so Kun Lun doesn’t have to worry. Much.

He keeps an eye out for Ye Zun. Ye Zun knows how to look out for himself- and Shen Wei’s knife serves him well in that regard. But on the occasions he carries things too far and Shen Wei is no longer there to bail him out, Kun Lun does. Ye Zun isn’t too happy about this.

“I don’t need your help.” He says sulkily. Kun Lun resists the urge to roll his eyes. Ye Zun’s latest pet has been torn apart by a populace unhappy with his royal excesses and hungry for revolution and a burning-bright future. Kun Lun walks streets drenched with both hope and blood, and wishes Shen Wei could’ve been able to help these people.

“I’m your older brother.” Kun Lun says. “I need to look out for you even if you’re an idiot.” Ye Zun snorts.

“You don’t need to do it in Gege’s stead.” He says waspishly. Kun Lun just gives him a look.

“It’s not just for Xiao Wei’s sake. “ Ye Zun is silent. They watch the sun rise over bloodied banners and shouts of victory. Then Kun Lun feels a squeeze on his shoulder, but when he looks beside him Ye Zun has gone.

He turns Da Qing’s words over and over in his mind, ceaseless. _You’ll know when._ Wondering in his darkest days if his eldest brother had just been humouring him. If there really would be no true return. And  then one day he feels it. A tug of pure _need,_ lancing through him like a fire-arrow, and Kun Lun is running, almost tripping face-first and skidding into the heart of the shifting zones.

Kun Lun pushes himself up, gasping, sliding down the side of the dune, then sees Ye Zun standing in front of him, his eyes wide. They take off, running, searching. That weight of that certainty thrumming in their chests, and then they find him. Their brother’s body is shrunken with starvation, curled up and motionless in the sand. Ye Zun frees him with trembling hands, and Kun Lun lifts him up in his arms.

His face is wan and starved, his hair is long and wild. But Kun Lun knows they could take his little brother’s face from him and he would know him anywhere.

“Gege?” Shen Wei whispers. “Di?” Kun Lun’s tears drip down his face as he wraps Shen Wei up in his jacket. Ye Zun’s hands shake as he cradles Shen Wei’s face, kissing him every part of it he can reach. No more words need to be spoken as they take their brother home.

\--

They plant the flower in the middle of the library. Ye Zun hadn’t even _known_ the library had a center, he’d always thought it a dizzying labyrinth of books with next to no end. But Shen Wei steps forward, touches his pendant lightly, and the world around them _shifts_ to accommodate its axis. Kun Lun glances at Shen Wei, worried if that had been too much, but Shen Wei just smiles at him, reassuring him with a genntle hand pressed against his cheek.

The floor is cracked – perfect for Shen Wei’s purposes, and he takes a deep breath. Ye Zun and Kun Lun dig a hole in the ground, and Shen Wei shakes the flower gently out of its pot, gently places it in the hole and covers its roots with earth, watering it lightly before sitting back on his heels.

The flower pulses with its gentle light. Maybe someday it would grow into a tangle of vines, or a towering tree, but for now it’s a tiny star chasing away the gloom. Kun Lun reaches for Shen Wei, and Shen Wei leans against him, rests his head against his shoulder. Kun Lun glances at Ye Zun, but Ye Zun just nods at him. Content to watch Shen Wei relax in their older brother’s arms.

It’s a tentative dance they play with each other. Ye Zun has existed since its very first steps were invented, recognizes it for what it is. Millennia ago, his stomach would have turned at the sight of it. Selfish greed would have kept him holding his twin close, and he would have been justified. Death has always been as greedy as Desire, with no room in either for sharing.

 But two thousand years can change anyone. Ye Zun has survived two thousand years bearing unimaginable loss. It’s not something he ever wishes to experience again, not a choice he ever wants Shen Wei to make, ever again.

The library is in considerably better shape than it was when Shen Wei started fixing it. The shelves have been rebuilt, the books neat in their rows. There remains an ocean of work still remaining, but for the moment the siblings are resting, most of them seated on the floor. Delight feeds Lao Chu treats, patting him on the head while trying to distract him from Destiny’s tail swishing while their eldest brother angles for a play-fight. Destruction is saying something to Despair, who’s snickering softly. And Kun Lun, Kun Lun keeps Shen Wei tucked against his side, his arm wrapped around Shen Wei’s waist, reaching out and yanking at Destiny’s tail from time to time, avoiding the cat’s clawed swipes. A tender, teasing smile on his face as he whispers something against Shen Wei’s ear. Shen Wei looks woefully out of step for a moment before rallying with his own sharp quip, and Kun Lun lets out a ripple of laughter. Shen Wei’s smile goes soft and shy as their hands meet, entwine.

Ye Zun’s eyes meet Destruction’s from across the room, and he smiles faintly before excusing himself.

His sister meets him on the balcony of the library, having a smoke. She accepts the cigarette Ye Zun gives her. The smoke Ye Zun blows out unfurls over the sand wastes surrounding them. Above, the sky is awash with stars. It had been the first thing Shen Wei had replaced, after two thousand years of nothing but the dark. When he had finished, he’d passed out against Kun Lun, exhausted. Kun Lun had tucked Shen Wei close against his chest while Ye Zun held onto his hand. No more words needed between them as they soothed Shen Wei, helped him catch his breath, his amber pendant glowing golden against his chest.

“I didn’t expect you to be this happy for them.” Destruction remarks. Ye Zun shrugs. The smoke he blows out writhes into a couple of twisting, rutting figures, then fades into the breeze.

“Two thousand years ago, I wouldn’t have been. But that’s the thing about growing up, sister dearest.” He smiles thinly at her. Destruction’s features look slightly pitying for a moment. Ye Zun bites back the cutting remark he can feel in the back of his throat.

“Zhu Hong and I suspected, even before that Kun Lun-gege’s feelings for Shen Wei ran deeper than either of them realized.” She says, a little hesitantly, with a great deal of tact. “We just didn’t think you would stand for it given your own.” Ye Zun shrugs, shakes out the ash burning from the tip of his cigarette.

 “Oh believe me, I’ve made Kun Lun’s life plenty miserable about it.” Ye Zun says breezily. It’s not something he can really bring himself to regret, even now. The pain he caused Shen Wei, certainly, but not the truths he forced Kun Lun to confront. “But you know that cliche about loving and letting go.” The smoke shifts to Shen Wei, his lips kiss-bruised and skin flushed from Kun Lun’s touches that night he’d returned from his sojourn to Kun Lun’s realm. His eyes huge in his face, and. Ye Zun had placed his hand on his chest and a soft kiss on his lips even before he could speak.

“You already know what you need.” He said softly. “Go and have everything you’ve ever dreamed about, Wei-gege. I only ever wanted one thing from you.” Shen Wei had given him a silent, wordless look before taking him into his arms.

“You won’t make this a tragedy, will you?” Destruction asks. There’s a quiet edge of warning in her mild voice. Ye Zun shrugs.

“That’s on Kun Lun now, and Gege. Like our dearest eldest brother would say, we don’t dictate their lives for them.” Destruction stays for a moment later before heading back inside. Ye Zun stares at the stars, lost in thought. He startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Didi?” Shen Wei’s voice is soft. “Won’t you come in? It’s been a while.” Ye Zun turns to his twin. _Love of my damn existence,_ he thinks with tender resignation, and Shen Wei kisses him. Gentle and warm as his arms tighten around him.

(“Now,” Dream said softly, his twin wrapped in his arms. “I have everything I want.” Desire had looked at him, and kissed him.)

Kun Lun is leaning against the doorway, watching them.  There’s no resentment in his eyes, or jealousy. Ye Zun’s surprised to find he feels much the same. Just a quiet understanding as he cups the back of his twin’s head, kissing him back deeply with everything he feels. Shen Wei holds onto him while he finishes his cigarette, and his twin’s skin against Ye Zun’s, his love warms him better than any smoke or fire can.

He turns back to go inside when he’s done, giving Shen Wei’s hand a squeeze when he hangs back to speak to Kun Lun. As Ye Zun glances at them from above his shoulder, Kun Lun gathers Shen Wei into his arms. Kissing him gently on the forehead, then on the mouth. Tentative and new, and Ye Zun’s chest eases at the open smile on his twin’s face. The softness on Kun Lun’s as he cradles Shen Wei’s face between his hands, kisses him again.

Ye Zun rejoins his other siblings, and after a while so do the other two. Shen Wei slips his hand into his, and Ye Zun grips it tightly as Kun Lun keeps his arm wrapped around Shen Wei’s waist. In the future perhaps there will be more struggle and conflicts – it can’t be helped, Ye Zun knows, because of what they are. But for now Shen Wei’s face is glowing with joy, and their family sits around him, teasing and laughing and making him feel cherished and beloved. For now, there is an armistice between Kun Lun and Ye Zun as they hold Shen Wei and give him the home he’s missed, the dream he’s longed for.

 _I only ever wanted you to be happy._ Ye Zun thinks. Shen Wei smiles at him, his eyes shining bright as he holds on tightly to his hand, and for Ye Zun, it’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit did not expect this fic to be as well-received as it was. :D Thanks so much to those who commented and gave kudos, and most of all for the discord crew, who are the main reason this fic was finished to begin with and not left to languish in WIP hell. This'll be the last fic I'll write in a bit bc the new semester is starting, but thank you. :D 
> 
> PS: There will in all likelihood be outtakes of scenes :cough: smut :cough: that would have compromised the flow of the piece had I added it here. Hopefully I can write and finish them soon, and will be posting them as chapter bonuses if ever. :D 
> 
> Once again, thank youuu. <3 Till the next fic. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the discord crew for reading this over and encouraging me to finish. THis monster would never have been completed without you. T.T [I will name you all and blow a kiss to the lot of you next chapter, I am alas really stupidly sleepy now]. 
> 
> Credit goes to Neil Gaiman for. Virtually everything that has nothing to do with Guardian, haha. I wasn't able to channel the pure magic/scope of worldbuilding Sandman had, but thank you for the most unexpected AU sandbox I never expected to play in. :D 
> 
> Comments are beloved. :D


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